One of the conference sessions we attended at the LLL Conference was very simply titled, "Nighttime Parenting." This phrase sounds nondescript, yet it caught my attention because while we know parenting is a 24/7 job, society has a few things they say or ask about parenting at night, and we don't commonly think of parenting during what my husband refers to on his job as "mids." Common questions new parents hear include "Does she sleep through the night?" "How much sleep are you getting?" "Where is she sleeping?" "She's not in your room still, is she?" and the like. American society seems to be pretty focused on fitting babies into adult schedules as conveniently and quickly as possible. Early on in pregnancy I pointed out to my husband that for much of your life, your stomach is roughly the size of your fist... have you ever SEEN a newborn's fist? They're TINY! It has always made sense to me that a baby isn't supposed to sleep all night. Cue the fabulous, amazing, hope-instilling, validating conference session, Nighttime Parenting.
The opening mantra of sorts for this seminar will resonate with me for this child, for our next child, and hopefully our third someday... Whatever sleeping arrangement allows Mommy to 'mommy' in the morning is the RIGHT sleeping arrangement. John and I exchanged the same look, as if to say, “really? It’s ok? Well we can do that!”
I have known since long before baby girl was on her way that someday when we had a newborn, I would want the baby in our room, close to me, and I never had a timeline for how long , I just knew he or she would have to be near me… I knew that would be the only place I would be comfortable having a newborn and I hoped John wouldn’t mind because I’d hate to upset him as I went about what I was going to do anyway. J When one of my friends was expecting last winter, she introduced me to the concept of the Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper. .. Perfect! While I want the baby as close to me as possible, I have been trying to figure out how to coordinate our furry children who sometimes climb into the bed for snuggles or comforter theft… I can’t have a 40-lb snoring dog passed out next to a newborn! The co-sleeper is the perfect compromise, I can have the baby right next to me, slide her into bed for nighttime feedings, and if the dogs happen upon our bed, my body will block them. Now I just had to update John on this plan. Thankfully, as with all other pregnancy/parenting decisions that have come up, John has trusted either my education or my instinct (often both) and been supportive. Our conversations have gone something like this:
Me: I’m firing my OB/GYN and getting a midwife
John: Let’s go interview some, do you want a homebirth?
********************************
Me: I want to see a midwife AND birth at a birth center.
John: The midwife said I can help deliver the baby!
********************************
Me: I’m going to breastfeed.
John: That’s awesome, my daddy book says once you’ve established a good breastfeeding routine, then I can occasionally bottle feed pumped milk, but only one feeding a day at first.
********************************
Me: I am going to a La Leche League Conference, Dads can go, too.
John: Do I need to take a day off or am I free?
********************************
Me: I want to hypnobirth, possibly in the water
John: I can be in the water, too.
********************************
Me: I want to use only chlorine-free diapers and wipes
John: Where can we get them cheapest?
********************************
Me: I’m going to wear the baby.
John: Can I get my own sling?
********************************
John’s initial reaction was definitely supportive, but we both don’t know much about co-sleeping. I have read a little bit about attachment and co-sleeping, which is very appealing to a wannabe-stay-at-home working mom-to-be, but I had what I presume are some common questions- how long do you do it? What if you want to go away for a night? When should the baby sleep in her room? When will we have private time?
The conference session was not a lecture offering the researched correct answers for these questions, but somehow we found our answers… parents in the room shared their experiences with co-sleeping, and many of them have multiple children (so there IS still private time with co-sleeping!)… the general consensus had several themes:
-Crying it out never works. Dr. Sears adamantly speaks out against this method and in his experience as a pediatrician, he defines the “it” is baby’s need and the “out” is giving up. When a baby is left to “Cry it out,” they stop crying when they have given up asking for their needs to be met… not my idea of loving/parenting.
-Pediatricians, friends, acquaintances, and strangers are very curious ‘How is baby sleeping?” The generally accepted LLL answer is, “With her eyes closed.” J
- Co-sleeping parents seem to get a decent night’s sleep pretty early on, and everyone we heard from indicated they don’t know how they’d sleep otherwise.
- school-age children who co-slept as babies DO sleep in their own rooms, but feel safe coming to their parents for comfort- what a good feeling that is to look forward to!
Each parent in the room described their nighttime parenting routines and arrangement and the one that I liked the best seemed like the best of both worlds (like the co-sleeper!)… the parents put the baby down after dinner/story time in her crib in her room, when she wakes for the first nighttime feeding, they bring her into their room and she spends the remainder of the night in the co-sleeper. I like this idea because the nursery isn’t totally foreign to the child, you get regular use out of the crib, and there’s some grown-up time worked into each night. The baby’s needs never go unmet, and there is predictability. We think this is what we’ll try. Comment below, I’d love to hear your sleeping arrangements with baby and/or experiences with co-sleeping!
The opening mantra of sorts for this seminar will resonate with me for this child, for our next child, and hopefully our third someday... Whatever sleeping arrangement allows Mommy to 'mommy' in the morning is the RIGHT sleeping arrangement. John and I exchanged the same look, as if to say, “really? It’s ok? Well we can do that!”
I have known since long before baby girl was on her way that someday when we had a newborn, I would want the baby in our room, close to me, and I never had a timeline for how long , I just knew he or she would have to be near me… I knew that would be the only place I would be comfortable having a newborn and I hoped John wouldn’t mind because I’d hate to upset him as I went about what I was going to do anyway. J When one of my friends was expecting last winter, she introduced me to the concept of the Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper. .. Perfect! While I want the baby as close to me as possible, I have been trying to figure out how to coordinate our furry children who sometimes climb into the bed for snuggles or comforter theft… I can’t have a 40-lb snoring dog passed out next to a newborn! The co-sleeper is the perfect compromise, I can have the baby right next to me, slide her into bed for nighttime feedings, and if the dogs happen upon our bed, my body will block them. Now I just had to update John on this plan. Thankfully, as with all other pregnancy/parenting decisions that have come up, John has trusted either my education or my instinct (often both) and been supportive. Our conversations have gone something like this:
Me: I’m firing my OB/GYN and getting a midwife
John: Let’s go interview some, do you want a homebirth?
********************************
Me: I want to see a midwife AND birth at a birth center.
John: The midwife said I can help deliver the baby!
********************************
Me: I’m going to breastfeed.
John: That’s awesome, my daddy book says once you’ve established a good breastfeeding routine, then I can occasionally bottle feed pumped milk, but only one feeding a day at first.
********************************
Me: I am going to a La Leche League Conference, Dads can go, too.
John: Do I need to take a day off or am I free?
********************************
Me: I want to hypnobirth, possibly in the water
John: I can be in the water, too.
********************************
Me: I want to use only chlorine-free diapers and wipes
John: Where can we get them cheapest?
********************************
Me: I’m going to wear the baby.
John: Can I get my own sling?
********************************
John’s initial reaction was definitely supportive, but we both don’t know much about co-sleeping. I have read a little bit about attachment and co-sleeping, which is very appealing to a wannabe-stay-at-home working mom-to-be, but I had what I presume are some common questions- how long do you do it? What if you want to go away for a night? When should the baby sleep in her room? When will we have private time?
The conference session was not a lecture offering the researched correct answers for these questions, but somehow we found our answers… parents in the room shared their experiences with co-sleeping, and many of them have multiple children (so there IS still private time with co-sleeping!)… the general consensus had several themes:
-Crying it out never works. Dr. Sears adamantly speaks out against this method and in his experience as a pediatrician, he defines the “it” is baby’s need and the “out” is giving up. When a baby is left to “Cry it out,” they stop crying when they have given up asking for their needs to be met… not my idea of loving/parenting.
-Pediatricians, friends, acquaintances, and strangers are very curious ‘How is baby sleeping?” The generally accepted LLL answer is, “With her eyes closed.” J
- Co-sleeping parents seem to get a decent night’s sleep pretty early on, and everyone we heard from indicated they don’t know how they’d sleep otherwise.
- school-age children who co-slept as babies DO sleep in their own rooms, but feel safe coming to their parents for comfort- what a good feeling that is to look forward to!
Each parent in the room described their nighttime parenting routines and arrangement and the one that I liked the best seemed like the best of both worlds (like the co-sleeper!)… the parents put the baby down after dinner/story time in her crib in her room, when she wakes for the first nighttime feeding, they bring her into their room and she spends the remainder of the night in the co-sleeper. I like this idea because the nursery isn’t totally foreign to the child, you get regular use out of the crib, and there’s some grown-up time worked into each night. The baby’s needs never go unmet, and there is predictability. We think this is what we’ll try. Comment below, I’d love to hear your sleeping arrangements with baby and/or experiences with co-sleeping!
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