Minor Setbacks...

I apologize that it's been two weeks since my post, a colicky baby is not conducive to blogging in a timely manner!!

Monday at noon came quickly, the rest of the week has felt like an eternity. I couldn't hold Addison Sunday night or Monday morning without breaking down in tears, fearful that I was terribly ill and had no idea, or that our beautiful breastfeeding relationship would be taken from us... I love nursing her, I love the way she eagerly seeks me out and the sighs of relief when she fills up her little tummy. I love that she can fall asleep on my breast ANYWHERE [and we've had it happen in a few exciting places thanks to the ERGO and MobyWrap... Whole Foods, Target, the doctor's office, you name it!]. I felt a strong mix of fear and irritation this week, the latter of which I did not anticipate. I'm not sure if it was my hormones and fear or just the nonsense I encountered...

EVERYONE at the Breast Intervention center was excessively perky [and adorned with pink ribbon flair] and kept asking how I was doing today and how I was feeling- I'm talking Disney World perky... don't bring your scalpel and hollow needles around my magic milk makers and act like we're about to go on the tea cups. The nurse who confirmed my appointment Friday left me less than confident in her abilities when she couldn't tell me how long I would have to interrupt nursing on my left side, after putting me on hold twice. The radiologist who I met for my ultrasound furthered my terror in her small talk... she applauded me for breastfeeding and said, "Two kids... never had it in me, couldn't do it." ... a) Yes, you COULD HAVE and b)Why must you tell me this?!   I likened this to the thought of leaving one's child with a stranger who hates kids... in any other situation [or if my bra was nearby rather than down the hallway, surely not an accident] I would have thought, RUN! But alas, I was topless so there I lay. She turned the ultrasound on and started looking puzzled and clicking around... my lump was measuring a full centimeter smaller than on Thursday. Cancer doesn't shrink! Let's call this party off! The radiologist said this drastic change assured her it was a galactocele and after a brief pause said that we should proceed anyway. Ugh! Are you sure? Wouldn't you prefer an early lunch? No such  luck. Halfway through the procedure, the doctor drew milk into the lidocaine syringe, further assurance that this was a milk duct, that was being numbed and chopped up...ugh again! I should note that one of the highlights of having this procedure while lactating is that under my little half-gown, I had to hold my breast pads in place while tilted on my side on the table with a wedge under my shoulder... talk about awkward and uncomfortable!  The entire procedure took less than half an hour, I was taped up with steri-strips, told to not shower for 24 hours but resume normal activities immediately and promised I'd hear results by Wednesday evening.

All I could think about was getting home to Addison, I just needed to hold her and I was sure she needed me.  This confidence was half correct... she needed me, but I couldn't hold her, for two days. The discharge directions should have read, "resume normal activities with the other side of your body, and good luck where we sliced and diced you."  I suppose that doesn't sound as friendly. My poor 7-week old baby hadn't a clue why a)I left her for two hours, again and b) why I wouldn't just hold her in my left arm and bounce her as we have been for the past month and a half. She had this painful upset look in her eyes that tore me apart, as if to say, "Mommy, don't you love me? I need to snuggle in that arm... please bounce me." My sister came to stay with me once we discovered that I couldn't hold Addison at all in my left arm and holding her in my right was awkward with the swelling. We were both miserable, and I was anxious. She sensed my anxiety this week and so did my healing breasts. We both cried as I pumped and dumped a precious 9 ounces from my left breast in the 24 hours after the procedure. We both cried when she was gassy because my already overactive letdown was confused by the extra 9 ounces I had to waste as I fed her only on one side. Talk about confusing new milk makers! Five days later, I had to get up at 4am because I was leaking all over and somewhat engorged.

The nurse had placed a band-aid over the steri-strip 'X' across my breast... When it came off after my shower on Tuesday, I had a lovely horseshoe-shaped red area on each side of the 'X'. It was also so puffy that if my arm was by my side, I was pressing into the incision site, ouch. I have always been sensitive to band-aids and the cheap hospital-issued band-aid was no exception, awesome.

Wednesday came and went, I stared at my cell phone all afternoon and into the evening. Addison sensed my anxiety and stress and was equally stressed... we collectively slept almost three hours that night. I felt as though my incision site was puffy, which didn't help when no call came from the radiologist. Thursday morning I had an early dermatologist appointment, I figured she could tell me if my incision looked okay, she looks at skin all day. Her assessment was that it might be infected, or it might be irritated by the steri-strips and that I should have the radiologist look at it- just who I wanted to see again, Miss Formulafeeder Idontreturncalls. The radiologist who conducted my biopsy wasn't in that office so I had an awkward male doctor poke around at my little puffy wound site... he decided it was the allergic reaction and sent me home after taking off the steri-strips.Within a matter of hours the puffiness went down but I still had a giant itchy circle around the biopsy.

Finally , Thursday afternoon I heard from the radiologist that the lump that changed in size in a matter of four days was in fact a galactocele and was neither cancerous or precancerous. Her recommendation was to follow up with the midwife who would decide if I should leave it alone, have a needle aspiration, or have it surgically removed- talk about a spectrum of possibilities! Thankfully, my fabulous midwives value breastfeeding and avoiding interfering with the breastfeeding relationship and happily offered to leave it alone unless it becomes uncomfortable. No more needles, no more tests, no more radiologists!

Pumping for an entire week my supply was substantially more than Addison needed and I nearly drowned my already gassy, colicky baby- poor sweet girl... this week we are finally back to where we were in our progress in dealing with my oversupply. I try not to complain about my oversupply because I worry about having enough milk for Addison when I return to work in *gulp* seven weeks. I pump a little each day so John can give her a bottle with her probiotic mixed in, and some days I freeze what I pump, our goal is no formula when I go back to work, hopefully we can make it happen!

Thank you blog readers for your prayers, thoughts, support and love. Thank you for the private messages and emails, it's pretty awesome to know people are thinking of you in such a scary, tough situation. <3

That's Not What Those are For...

Breasts are for breastfeeding, not for biopsies!

I have been breastfeeding for six weeks and four days. I have never thought about my breasts so much in my life. I am constantly thinking about them. Which one did Addison nurse from last? How many ounces do I need to pump today? Which one feels more firm? How many hours since our last nursing? Am I leaking (again!)? Do I have extra nursing pads? Am I running out of nursing pads? Can I easily nurse in this t-shirt? Did I leak on this shirt (... I'm not even out of the house yet!)? It's all about the breasts... Ten days after Addison was born, the boob-question of the day was, "Is this a plugged duct?" it certainly seemed as though overnight I acquired a large almond-shaped lump in the side of my left breast. I consulted my friend and LLL Leader, and made my husband palpate this lump roughly 5 dozen times over the weekend . With hot compresses I was more comfortable, but it was definitely the super hot shower and massaging showerhead that helped! It was nearly gone and I was relieved. Over the next few days it seemed smaller but was definitely still there... I could express milk in the shower and Addison was eating happily so in my sleepless, colicky stupor, I did what any new mom would do and ignored myself and focused on my baby. At my six-week postpartum follow-up I made sure to show my midwife. She said it felt like a plugged duct but the responsible thing to do would be to send me for an ultrasound to confirm. Ultrasound? Ack.  Ok... I can do that.

John and I left Addison with my sister the next day so he could take me for my ultrasound. Those of you who have had ultrasounds know it's a little awkward to have body parts exposed for a stranger to massage with a wand, but add lactating, leaky boobs to the mix and you have an awkward-convention! The tech only took images for a quick minute or two and then left me in the darkened room to get the radiologist to review what she had taken... for nearly half an hour. There are never clocks in these darkened rooms so you can't complain about how "she left me there for 30 minutes!" however I beat the system and had a view of the ultrasound screen timestamp in my peripheral vision... In this half-hour I wondered... did she only take a few images because it's small? because she knows what breast cancer looks like and didn't need anymore? because that's what they do? What was going on? Were they deciding who was to tell me I was sick? Was I not sick at all and they were taking their time because I wasn't urgent, I was just leaking precious milk into my silly little half-robe? What the heck was it?!

Finally the radiologist and technician came into the room... the radiologist said that it "doesn't look like cancer but." ALL YOU NEED IS A BUT to send a woman's mind spinning down a pessimistic dismal spiral of terrible possibilities. Her guess was it is a fibroid adenoma which is a fancy term for benign tumor, or a galactocele which is the snooty medical term for "plugged duct". But (there it is again!!) just to be sure, I should have a needle biopsy... soon. I guess they have to add the "soon" because who wouldn't put off a biopsy if given the chance... I'd love to schedule it for the Tuesday after never. Ugh!

This happened on Thursday and the "biopsy coordinator" (can we just say, secretary?!) was to call me Friday to schedule me for Monday... I called her because I need to get this nonsense over with. So there we have it, noon on Monday I am scheduled for a needle biopsy of my lump. I have a lump. It's not a lovely lady lump, it's an annoying female interrupting my breastfeeding lump. I haven't slept well even when Addison is quiet the past few days because my mind is absolutely racing... I can't counsel myself out of a million worries and I'm finding blogging to be cathartic so I'm going to unload a few of them onto my blogging world, irrational or not, here they are:

*I'm going to have cancer and I'm going to die. Addison will grow up with a single parent and I'll leave John to raise her. While he would do an AMAZING job, I get choked up at the thought of missing a day of her life. She is my world and I don't want to leave her, ever.

*I'll be okay but this biopsy (or the doctor) will damage something important and disrupt breastfeeding. Breastfeeding means so much to me and there is a risk that this biopsy will damage a duct therefore impacting my still-new supply.

*There is a risk that I will leak milk into my breast as a result of this biopsy- not only does that sound like gross sci-fi craziness, but that would REALLY disrupt things and be horrible if I had to have my breast sliced open to drain the milk from the biopsy gone wrong that's just floating around in my breast.

*I'll have to have this lump removed which would really disrupt Addison's breastfeeding... these are her leaky boobs. They're only big and leaky for her.

*The concept of a long hollow needle going into my breast is appalling, disgusting, scary, and gross all at the same time- eww, ouch, ick.

*Silly but: Addison will be upset tomorrow because she'll have to nurse on our less-coordinated side all night... I have to pump and toss my milk for 24-hours... those of you who breastfeed know how painful the thought of that is in itself. Ugh! All that lost milk that I don't get to give her now or save for later!

I don't know if it's growth spurt or just her sensing that I'm upset/distressed but Addison has been nursing every 30-45 minutes for the past several days... the thought of having to leave her for a few hours to have someone biopsy her milk makers makes me feel guilty. While I know the important thing is praying it isn't cancer, being a new mom who values breastfeeding as much as I do makes it that much worse.

So today, my blog readers, I selfishly ask for your prayers... and if God happens to be keeping up with the Crunchy Mama blog... Please Lord, let this procedure go well and let the results be benign. 

The Secret Reason...

...why breast is best.

I'm a fan of breastfeeding. I'm somewhat of a lactivist even. I started reading about breastfeeding benefits before I was pregnant and started attending La Leche League around 4 months into my pregnancy. Much like my desire to be a mother, I have always known I will breastfeed my children. We took a private class, read books together, and my husband has been completely supportive from the get go. I am often overly eager to share my knowledge of breastfeeding benefits with pregnant (or not-yet pregnant) friends and people I meet, and am always extending the invitation to attend my [amazing] La Leche League group- what incredible support and friendship Addison and I have found. :-)

A few of my favorite benefits of breastfeeding...
*Sets the foundation for the baby's immune system, lines the gut with beneficial cultures
*It matches the needs of the baby as they change- amazing!
*Lowers the child's risk of obesity, certain cancers, asthma, diabetes and possibly childhood leukemia
*breastfed babies don't get sick as often as formula-fed babies... they have less respiratory infections and ear infections, and many illnesses are less severe in breastfed babies
*It's never recalled for contamination or manufacturing errors
*You don't run out- you can breastfeed when the power is out, when there's terrible weather and you don't want to go to the store, when you're not near a store, wherever, whenever!
*Breastfeeding helps moms heal from childbirth, contracting the uterus in early days/weeks and lowering likelihood of postpartum depression
*Mom's risk of breast cancer, and ovarian cancer are greatly reduced
*Baby weight melts off- breastfeeding burns tons of calories!

Wow, breastfeeding is just great for everyone! These were my reasons for deciding to breastfeed... but aren't why I fell in love with breastfeeding over the past three weeks. I fell in love with breastfeeding when tiny beautiful perfect little Addison hugged my breast in her little arms and fell asleep with her amazing little hand over my heart... just like that I melted, literally melted. I fell in love with breastfeeding when her little arms wrap around my breast as she feeds, holding on as she knows my breast is hers. I fell in love again when I come into the room or closer to her and her attention stops and focuses on me as if to say, "Oh! You! Come over here! Let me nurse!" The shift of her gaze and the tiny little mouth opening in my direction are her way of saying she needs me, and it takes my breath away. While leaky boobs are funny (especially when you say, "leaky boob"and not "oversupply of the milk ducts," haha) it amazes me how my breasts react to Addison's cry. It's as if my milk has a mind of it's own and says, "I'm coming!" faster than the rest of my body can get to her. There's a sense of accomplishment for a new mother when simply putting baby to breast quiets her cries and fussing...to see that my milk and my breast meet her hunger and emotional needs is not only flattering but gratifying- I love being able to take away her worries.

We are still feeding every 2-3 hours, I am exhausted... we haven't had a good night's sleep in a while now, but I will never complain when Addison wants to feed because as I have told her, "it's all hers. made just for her, and she can take her time and stay latched as long as she needs to... each time that hand rests upon my breast, my heart melts all over again. That tiny hand  has changed my world.

Let the Debates Begin!

During pregnancy, women are bombarded with advice, much of it conflicting. I was told by several women (who  ironically smoke, by the way) that coffee was terrible for the baby... [it's decaf, b*tches... I'd be in a much better mood if it wasn't, thank you.].  I was told outdated fitness information by a personal trainer about how intense my workout should be, I was told to Eat This,  Not That, and it wasn't by David Zinczenko... I heard about supplements to take, supplements to avoid, you name it. I was also told that I'd need an epidural, that a midwife wouldn't provide me the best care, that being out of a hospital was dangerous- I heard it all.

In having conversations about terrible unsolicited advice, I was told, "just wait until you're a parent, it gets worse."  It does.

We did our research on vaccines, breastfeeding, pacifiers, cosleeping, attachment parenting, baby wearing, all sorts of parent-values that we were sure we had mapped out. I had successfully blocked out anyone who had opinions that conflicted with our strong values, and welcomed feedback on those things for which I did not feel I had enough understanding or knowledge... I was ready to be a parent!

...and then Addison arrived.
...and then Addison cried, and cried and cried, and my books say no pacifiers until 6 weeks.
...and my nipples got sore, and my books say no pumping for 6 weeks.
...and then our pediatrician said "pacifiers are fine!" and told us at 3 weeks that she should be introduced to a bottle before she refuses it.
...and then my LLL leader told me that's not crucial
...and then I thought about how I'd LOVE a short outing to myself but I can't leave her until I'm pumping and she's accepting a bottle.
...and then I worried about messing up my supply in week 3 because this book and that book said 6 weeks.
...and then my head was officially spinning.

Who to listen to? Who to ignore? Who to trust? Who's talking out of their... pacifier?

I have a degree in family studies, another one in psychology, another one in counseling. Addison doesn't need therapy and doesn't care about Erik Erikson or Maslow. She wants... mommy milk, all the time. We have a small library in our sunroom with a wall of bookshelves; my shelves are full of human development texts and parenting books... I went from a certified family life educator and parent education expert to an overtired, flustered, lost mommy, desperately reaching out to anyone who wants to give me a correct answer. I stare at my library wondering "where is the magic answer?! who wrote that article about that thing that makes the kid stop doing the thing with the stuff?" I fold. I surrender. I got nothin'.

and so, we're back where we started... who to listen to? what is the right answer?

I am a mommy!

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind. I'm a parent! I am a mommy! I am... exhausted!

All in all we've had a great two weeks. Addison learned to latch well quickly so breastfeeding has been a decent learning experience for both of us... my milk came in when she was 2 1/2 days old and she's been quickly gaining weight. I had some excitement with a plugged duct around 10 days, which is thankfully when her 2-week growth spurt started early. At 16 days, Addison got to attend her first La Leche League meeting, and we've successfully breastfed in public (at Target, of course!). We are getting good at this! I still haven't found a comfortable spot to nurse in bed at night, but we're getting there. My friend Pam told me that I'd love my rocker/ottoman and I have quickly learned that this is a key place for nighttime nursing. Addison nurses well here and falls to sleep quickly. Ahh, sleep. Easier said than done...
We started out with an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper and in the first week bought an in-bed cosleeper because Addison seems to only want to sleep on one of us at night. The therapist in me assessed that clearly the cosleeper beside the bed was too far from us and if she were in the middle of John and I, we'd all sleep... HA! My daughter is smarter than that! Next to is not nearly as cozy as on top of. Nice try, mom. Addison naps during the day in her swing, in her pack and play, I've even set her down in her crib... nighttime? No thanks. So for now, we snuggle.

John was initiated into the projectile poo hall of fame on Day 4 when we were of course, at Target. It just wouldn't stop... it was a mustardy nightmare! We have since braved 2 bath-worthy explosive poos, one of which went almost all the way up her back- where does it all come from!?

Our other notable milestone the past two weeks also occurred on Day 4. We had our first after-hours urgent call to the pediatrician! Addison did not have much tolerance for diaper changes at this point and worked diligently to notify the neighbors (and neighboring towns) of the terror which she was experiencing. She tensed up and would scream until she turned purple (at which point she'd keep screaming, while purple). I noticed that in her flailing squirms she was knocking her little umbilical cord stump with the top of the diaper, [regardless of how far down we tried to roll it] and was bleeding a little bit... I called our doula who said to watch it and call the doc if we were concerned, and called my mother who said it was too early for it to fall off, and ended up calling the doctor anyway. The doctor on call took only a few minutes to call us back and assured me that it was just irritated and it was way too early for it to fall off. She told me that it was still attached to blood vessels and she's only seen one come off this early in her career and it could result in hemorrhage but that's very unlikely. Note to all pediatricians- do NOT use the word hemorrhage with an emotional, exhausted, type A hypochondriac mother! Just don't! She told us to make sure the area stayed dry and keep an eye on it, but it wasn't coming off at 4 days old.  I did what I was doing every 20-30 minutes on day 4 and put Addison to breast... I hoped nursing would calm us both down and she would go to sleep [for 6 or 8 minutes]. I had her snuggled across my chest, nursing and not even 2 minutes later I literally lost my breath and my heart stopped... her umbilical cord stump fell off between us! It was just there, on my belly next to her belly! I barely choked out John's name and my eyes welled up with tears of sheer terror. CLEARLY my baby was going to hemorrhage tonight. CLEARLY. I stared at her belly button which was a tiny bit oozy but not at all hemorrhagic... I still couldn't breathe- I just stared. I'd love to say that after a minute or two I realized she was fine and we went to sleep, but that's just silly. I stared at her ALL NIGHT. She had an 8:30am pediatrician appointment the next day and I stared at her belly, offered to check her diaper on the half-hour so I had an excuse to open her onesie and stare at her stump-less belly button. She was annoyed, I was paranoid... and we all somehow made it to the morning. When the doctor checked her Monday morning she apologized for the on-call doctor's horror-inducing warning and said her navel looked fine, and looked as though she were several days ahead of herself- overachiever. This little non-incident made me thankful that she had her vitamin K shot, who knows if it impacted her healing or not but I'm glad she had it nonetheless.

Ok, I've been pooped on, I've cried to the pediatrician in the middle of the night, I've stayed awake staring at my newborn... I am a mommy.

A Pretty Crunchy Birth Story

Our precious little girl has arrived!!! I have never had a baby so I have never written a birth story... but I'm going to write our tale! :-)

Monday, July 25, we had our 38 week appointment where we met the Birth Center's newest midwife, Katie. She was a student midwife early in our pregnancy but our paths had never crossed as I wasn't going frequently at that point. I found Katie to be friendly, kind, and patient... She spent a solid 40-minutes with John and I, and when we left the appointment I thought to myself, "Yeah, she could attend our birth and I'd be comfortable. At this point I was a big fan of 3 of the 4 midwives, and quietly prayed that my "4th favorite" as I called her wouldn't be on-call whenever BG McD decided to make her grand entrance.

 I had been having braxton-hicks contractions since 34 weeks when I spent a day in the hospital for too many contractions too early. I spent weeks 34-37 out of work and ate all my accrued time and taking some unpaid time to avoid eating my FMLA. My HR director was kind enough to let me delay my short-term disability so I could keep my 16 weeks for after her arrival-on the condition I was able to return to work.

I only returned to work 6 [exhausting!] days before 3:27am on Tuesday, July 26th, when I was awakened by a contraction bigger than I have ever felt--it wasn't painful, but definitely caught my attention. I went to the bathroom, refilled my water bottle and just lay down and relaxed... I didn't want to wake my husband if nothing exciting was going to happen, but after an hour and a half of these new contractions almost perfectly 8 minutes apart, I poked him awake. John was scheduled for a field training and wouldn't be available by phone during the day-much to his supervisor's dismay, he wasn't going to be able to attend the training (ironically, he was making up for the day I was in the hospital and he missed the training!). I contemplated going to work for at least a half-day, however by the time I would need to get ready, I was having contractions 6 minutes apart... probably not a great idea to drive 15 miles to work.

I started my labor to-do list... eat protein and carbs, breathe, move a little. I listened to my HypnoBirthing relaxation CD, and quickly figured out I was most comfortable on my big exercise ball. After eating an omelette made by my husband with love, away I bounced [and bounced and bounced]. My contractions slowed a bit, so we went for a walk around the neighborhood. We chatted briefly with our doula, Deby, and she suggested I get some rest... Around mid-morning, my mother and sister arrived at our house. My mom made me pasta and after a small lunch, my body obliged my need for a break and I was able to nap around lunchtime with another 30-minute relaxation exercise.

I woke around 1:30 and felt unsure for a short time if my contractions would resume, they had quieted down so much for me to sleep! Within an hour they were again at 6 minutes apart, then 5 minutes apart, then 6 minutes apart. The afternoon went on this way and John filled our [seemingly small] bathtub with warm water. I brought my iPod player in there and John and my mother took turns sitting with me through contractions as I kept breathing through each wave.

For those of you who don't know, the week prior to this excitement, our smallest/youngest dog, Molly, was hospitalized and almost died from a crazy allergic reaction to a sting of some sort (we think wasp)... SHE had a follow-up vet appointment scheduled for 5:30pm. If this baby was coming tonight, we weren't going to want to reschedule for later in the week, and she really needed to see the veterinarian. My contractions were maintaining their 6-minute distance and I urged John to take Molly to her appointment. The vet is less than 2-miles away and they don't usually keep us waiting too long. He couldn't have been at the end of the driveway when all of the sudden my contractions were 4 minutes apart... my mother was sitting with me and after a few strong ones I interrupted her conversation to say, "Hey... time these, will you?!" In the 90 minutes that John and Molly were out, my mom had to call the doula, update the midwives, and the doula arrived. She sat with me and encouraged my mom to get our cooler ready. Deby was amazing, she kept me breathing through each contraction as they got bigger and stronger, observing where I was holding tension and easing my anxiety. I felt as though I was making progress with her encouragement. When John returned home, Deby calmly and quietly prompted him to pack the car, (quickly!) and give the midwife a call. To my excitement, Katie and Cathy P were on call!  In less than 2 hours I went from 6 to 4 to 3 minutes apart and we had an hour-long drive! Our doula helped me get dressed and John called our friend and birth photographer, Christine. A few minutes later, we were on our way! I felt nauseous and could not focus on anything but the strength of the contractions- there was no doubt in my mind, this baby was coming... soon! John reclined the passenger seat for me and held my hand as he drove (in torrential rain, mind you) to Danbury.

When we arrived at the birth center, my contractions were so strong they were literally stopping me in my tracks, as John rang the doorbell I had to sit on the stair to breathe through a contraction. One birth center contraction down! We went inside and I had to breathe through another one before Katie could check me... 5-6 cm, almost fully effaced... I was far enough along to admit and excited that I was at least halfway dilated! I begged Katie to fill the jacuzzi tub and breathed through contractions while the bath was drawn. John climbed in and helped me in, I felt a sense of relief as I was able to lean against him under the warm water. Submerging my belly in the warmth of the tub made the contractions much less uncomfortable, and I felt a sense of calm as John held my hands and had his arms around me... this is crazy, this is intense, but I'm not alone. Our doula went to get an iPod player as our photographer arrived. Christine did an amazing job of quietly capturing our experience without being noticeable. I saw her a few times but for the most part had no idea where she was in the room. Katie set up a stool next to the tub and Deby had a chair near John's head... every so often Katie checked BG McD's heartrate on the doppler, and through each contraction Deby encouraged me to exhale lower and deeper in my sighs and eventually moans.

I had heard of "breathing the baby down" and "sounding through labor," I had even wondered what my birth sounds might be like... the answer is simple: LOUD. The bigger they got, the louder I got. By nature I do not have a higher-pitched voice, sounding my labor in low tones was a conscious challenge. In each contraction Deby talked me through bringing my moan or grunt lower and I felt my body relax and the discomfort (and some pain!) go down a notch. I thought many times during our three hours in the tub of Ina May's sayings... one that stood out for me during my time in the tub was "the contraction can never be bigger than you, because it is you." I hadn't been induced, there were no drugs in my body- these sensations I was feeling were all created by my body and my baby so she could make her way into the world- they were certainly unlike anything I have ever felt before, but they couldn't possibly be bigger than me! I also turned to my HypnoBirthing imagery, imagining my cervix opening wider with each contraction, my baby pushing down and out and on each exhale I envisioned her inching closer to us.

About 2 1/2 hours into our time in the tub, Katie suggested I move around a bit, try to change positions-I had been laying on John for a while now. As I sat up and attempted to lean forward, I quickly realized that my body was *busy!* and I had interrupted. I suddenly felt as though I would be ill and as quickly as I attempted to warn my birth team, it wasn't quick enough. I threw up on John, on a towel, in a garbage can, in another towel, and flopped back on John all in a matter of seconds! I had managed to change to a sideways position but not before my poor husband got more than he bargained for.

I spent another hour-ish on my side, moaning louder with each contraction and relaxing deeper during each break... Katie suggested I get out of the tub and try another position, I had NO desire to get out of the water but was getting fairly tired at this point and could be coaxed into trying anything. I wrapped a towel around my bottom and made my way to the birthing ball. I was still having intense sensations in my back with each contraction and my doula provided counter pressure as John held my hands.

We spent a short time in this position... Katie had spent almost the entire time with us and had been watching my progress as well as monitoring the baby's consistently strong heartrate. She said she wanted to check me, we had been at the birth center about 4 hours at this point... I was fully dilated! Katie told me I could get comfortable wherever and push when I felt the urge. I had a few urges to push in the tub, but hadn't been sure what the sensation was at the time and was breathing through them... now, it was game time!

I was exhausted and wondering about that restful period I had heard about that many women experience between 10 cm and pushing time... evidently my body skipped that because within moments of laying on the bed I felt as though my uterus was in charge- I was pushing whether I thought I was ready or not! My contractions were very close together and my body was giving me just enough downtime between them to get in 2-3 deep breaths, which I religiously took... remembering my hypnobirth counts... in 4-out 8. in 4-out 8, breathing the 8 count from my chest down through my toes.

This is the point where I truly experienced sounding my labor. I nearly lost my voice I was grunting and moaning so loudly, and John recalls (I insist not) that I almost bit his arm at one point, attempting to stifle my carnal, womanly sounds. I kept hearing Deby remind me to keep my voice low and was amazed at how much my tone affected the tension in my body. At this point, my water finally broke! I felt a sense of accomplishment and relaxation for a quick moment... I was also thankful because I have read that contractions are more intense once your waters break, and intact waters help keep the baby comfortable through labor... we made it pretty far!

 I focused on keeping my groans as low as possible and each one passed... not going to lie, birth was definitely painful at this place. I was having a quick HypnoBirth but I was not having a painless one. Another Ina May favorite of mine... she reminds us that Natural birth is honest pain. once it's over, it's over.  I just had to power through this pain and it would be over. If I went across the street to the hospital and got medications or interventions now, I'd probably be in pain tomorrow, or even longer... my baby could experience pain or other ill effects of interventions- this was the safest and least painful place for us to be. I didn't truly want to go across the street to the hospital per se, I just wanted to run away from the overwhelmingly intense sensations of the moment... then my thoughts went to our HypnoBirth instructor- she told us that at the point where you think you might want medication or that you can't do it anymore or that you're ready to give in, that's your body telling you it's about to happen... you're about to have a baby, right then. Sure enough, seconds later the midwives both exclaimed, "Look at all that hair!" BG McD was crowning! I had been on my side as these pictures show, and  wanted to move to shimmy her down a little bit if I could. My thighs were exhausted, my back was exhausted, but somehow I managed to get on my elbows and knees... bottom in the air. For what felt like an eternity (and John said was about 6 minutes) I felt our little girl inch down and slide back up with each crazy ridiculous  intense contraction. I pushed with each big wave and attempted to suck in a quick breath and give it an extra Oomph at the end of each one, I kept hearing my midwives and doula telling me she was getting closer... the RN on-call was waiting with a warm blanket. Warm blankets mean we're almost done, right? :-)

At 12:34am, Addison Grace McDonald made her Earthside entrance. 

Katie helped ease her out and the midwives and nurse finagled some ninja moves to flip me over onto my back while simultaneously changing the chux pads under my bum and swinging my leg around the cord. As you may have read in our birth plan, we wanted to leave the umbilical cord pulsing as long as it decided to, ideally until the delivery of the placenta.  The midwives happily obliged, although I had to rest Addison on my belly for a few minutes as the cord was somewhat short... I couldn't pull her all the way up right away. She was here! She was close enough to stare at in amazement, and a few minutes later the cord had stopped pulsing so Cathy clamped and John cut the cord (which he described as snot-covered rope, yum.). I brought Addison a bit closer to my chest and we just lay there... John, Addison, and I were all under warm blankets in the bed where I just birthed her... THIS is what natural birth is about, people! This is where it's at!

 Our alert, healthy little baby stared up at us, studying our faces and recognizing our voices. She let out a few cries and snuggled against my chest.

As we requested, there were no newborn tasks done before her first feed (aside from taking her temperature, while she was on my chest). The three of us snuggled for a bit, and by the time Addison was half an hour old, she latched onto me for her first meal!

Once Addison was resting comfortably, John took her to the foot of the bed where she was weighed and measured. Everything at the Birth Center was done in our room, she was never separated from us... I think that's the way it should be with all births! John helped measure Addison and placed her on the scale, and he snuggled her as she received her Vitamin K shot--she didn't make a peep! 

One look at him and you knew... he was already in love, and I was in love with both of them. After Addison's few little check-ins, the nurse brought us more pillows and checked my belly, helped me to get dressed into some pajamas, and we pulled up the covers. Addison slept between John and I in the bed where she was born. We were welcome to sleep in as late as we wanted, neither John nor I got much sleep after such an eventful and exciting night, but Addison slept well, in between her mommy & daddy... safe, warm, and secure. In the morning, we each took a long hot shower, made breakfast in the kitchen and enjoyed some relaxation time in the family room. Jessica, the admin assistant, and Cathy G, another midwife came upstairs from the medical office to visit us before we went home around lunchtime on Addison's birthday.

I couldn't have asked for a better birth experience. I was tired and sore, but just hours after giving birth, I showered myself, dressed my baby, prepared breakfast, and went home to my own house, in my own clothes. My daughter wasn't subject to any tests or treatments we did not want, and had the most peaceful, gentle birth we could give her. She never once saw cold, metal instruments, heard loud voices, or was taken to a strange place without her parents. The first bright lights she saw were those of the sun rising in our room, and the first thing she smelled when she woke up on her birthday were her parents-while she can't speak yet, I think a baby couldn't ask for more! I couldn't have asked for a more loving and supportive husband, a better birth team, or a better place to welcome our baby into the world. I am so very thankful for our midwives, our doula, our birth photographer, and my little Addison for all her hard work, too! 

*The photos in this blog are some preview-quality photos from our birth photographer, Christine Paluf, she's AMAZING! Please visit her site, here's the link: Christine Paluf Photography

*This is a great blog I came across yesterday about Sounding Your Labor... it made me feel a little less silly about how loud I was :-)   Sounding Your Labor: Are You In or Out of Control?

Thank You...

There are a few people who I must thank for making this amazing natural birth possible! 

My husband, for trusting me, trusting my body, trusting our baby. For not hesitating once when I said I wanted a natural hypnobirth, when I said I wasn't going near a hospital, when I said we were going to drive an hour for all our prenatal care and that he would drive me in active labor (in the pouring rain at rush hour of course!), for his strong arms holding me in the tub, for not batting an eye when I threw up all over him, and for loving our daughter with all he has :)

My mother for not judging or criticizing my decisions, regardless of how unconventional they were compared to when she birthed. Thank you for your open mind, your support, and love.

My natural birth cheerleaders, near and far! Jen, Kelly, Becky, Kate, Jennifer, thank you all for filtering horror stories, blocking those who wanted to tell me I couldn't or wouldn't achieve this birth, thank you!

Our hypnobirth instructor, Kate, and our doula, Deby- Thank you for helping me breathe! 

Last but not least, some VIB's! Very Important Bloggers! Birth Without Fear, Birth Faith, and The NonConformist Mom... you inspired me to pursue the best possible welcoming for my baby. You helped me establish faith in my own body and faith in my baby and that made a world of difference. You touch so many lives and I can't thank you enough. 

What's in a Name?

Before BG McD was a B[aby], John and I decided that we wouldn't name our babies until they were born, until they were Earthside if you will. There are a few layers to this decision we have adamantly stood by. I later discovered that my longstanding fear of naming an unborn baby being bad luck is actually an Irish superstition... it's not just me, it's the entire history of Ireland that feels this way! It completely freaks me out when someone refers to their belly by a name... since I'm growing us a little girl minion, I also acknowledge that tiny chance that the ultrasound could be wrong. Doctors and technicians can confirm boy parts but will only "guess," at a girl gender. While I believe she's a little she, you can't guarantee. Before our ultrasound we both kind of sort of thought boy a little more than we thought girl... we were both *pleasantly* surprised. 

Before our anatomy scan, we had discussed potential names... we had two definite boy names we loved, one girl name I was in love with [and always have been], and we had selected middle names. We had many exclusionary criteria and scoured websites and books for ideas... we vetoed countless names the other suggested, and still weren't sure. My ideal plan was to have three names selected and when we meet the baby on her birthing day, we would choose the most fitting for her. Welllll maybe that plan will work with B McD #2 because after the ultrasound my kind, sweet, thoughtful husband and I went to Babies R Us and he bought me a large wooden letter for BG McD's door... the letter of the name I have always loved. Never have I known a more loving man. Yes, the letter is a secret, too. You can't know the letter. 

So we have the superstition factor... neither John nor I have even once called my bump by the name she will receive on her birthing day. She's Hiccup or BG McD. No one knows her name, so no one else can refer to my belly by name, in or out of my presence.

The other big reason we haven't shared BG McD's name... is two cents. EVERYONE has an opinion on names, and everyone has something to say about a name. Unless you name your child some random noun like a celebrity (think, Apple or Bronx Mowgli), then someone knows someone who made fun of them in the third grade or stole that promotion they deserved or stole their ice cream cone that summer back in childhood... or the heartthrob that got away, and your name selection is immediately unfitting, silly, terrible, or undesirable. By keeping our name unknown, we not only get to share in a secret between just the two of us, but we also haven't had to hear any reactions, positive or negative. Once she's here, the name has a personality, a face, it's hers, so once it's on the birth certificate, everyone can find out, and do nothing about it!

I thought a few people would be curious, but had no idea how nutty some would be about our decision. My mother regularly attempts to slip an inquiry into conversation. So I bought the baby a blanket today and there was this adorable little onesie at Kohl's and what's her name? ... Nice try, Grandma! My mother asked if she could. submit a list of names she doesn't like... I politely informed her that she can do whatever she wants, her name will be her name.  Grandma aside, I have had a few people make guesses (no one has guessed correctly, yet, but I wouldn't reveal either way!) and a few people ask if we've shared (nope!)... but this past week I experienced the pinnacle of name debates, at Target. in the checkout. This is how my conversation with the cashier went... 

Cashier: Aww do you know what you're having?

Me: A girl, in a few weeks.

Cashier: Do you have a name yet?

Me: Yep, it's a secret.We haven't told anyone.

Cashier: What is it?!

Me: A secret.

Cashier: I know but what is it? You can tell me, I don't even know you, I'll probably never see you again. 

Me: My mother doesn't even know, I'm not going to share it at my local Target. She'll get her name when she's born.

Cashier: C'mon, I'll never see your mom, or meet your baby!

Me: Then you don't need to know. *cue the awkward silence*

Craaaaazy people. I have also had awkward conversations about not sharing at Starbucks, at a counseling conference (you'd think counselors would be more respectful!), and in random elevators. Why is it that when you're doing something as divine as growing a child, everyone thinks it's their business?! People want to know where I'm delivering (are you going to show up in the waiting room?!), my exact due date (I have a due month, it's going on right now, thank you.), what her name will be, how much leave I'm taking, where will she go to daycare, you name it. Would you like to know where she'll apply to college, too? It's like that invasive airplane conversation where people put their guard down and share their life stories, pretending the person going to the same destination that you are is suddenly your new BFF. 

At the end of the day, BG McD will be here eventually (within the next five weeks!), and then she'll have a name... you can call her that name from then until... forever. But, it's hers. She gets to hear it first, on her birthing day, and John and I created her...so we'll get to call her by her name first. All the rest of y'all can wait. :-)

Dear BG McD

Dear Little Hiccup,
Tomorrow we'll have made it to 37 weeks, congratulations to us!! Before you arrive and we're both busy getting to know each other on the outside, I want to write you a little letter... there are some things you should know and I don't want to forget them because I'm sure I'll be just speechless when we finally meet!

First of all, know you are loved, wanted, and very much longed for. Your Daddy and I dreamed of you before we got married, we prayed for you and have been eagerly awaiting your arrival. We decided it was time to add a baby to our family two years ago this August and I am confident that all that waiting and wishing and hoping was meant to be so that you would be our first baby. We went to doctors and hospitals and had all sorts of tests to make sure we were healthy and my body was ready to provide you everything you have needed the past 9 months. When we saw your little egg on November 9th, I prayed that you would become a little human McDonald and just a few weeks later, there was the positive test we'd been waiting for (on November 23rd). When my progesterone tests were low, I desperately prayed to the Lord that you would make it, that you'd be strong enough to hang in there, and I started medicine right away.  We had to wait until December 15th to find out if you were doing okay and seeing your tiny fluttering heartbeat was the best Christmas present anyone could ask for. The next few months were tough, I'm not going to lie! I was very sick all day everyday, it was no fun being sick but I tried my hardest to eat as healthy as possible for you and made sure to get all my vitamins everyday. Daddy and I discussed what you might be like, who you'll look like, how we want to decorate your nursery, and have just been excited to meet you for so long.

On March 8th we found out that you are a little girl, and our dreams became more specific and you seemed that much more real. You were quite funny and kept hiding from the ultrasound and turning away so the technician couldn't take all the pictures she wanted. You seemed to be more poky with your left hand and I wonder if you'll be a lefty like me. Your daddy was definitely excited but a little intimidated that you are a girl... he is already worrying about protecting you from the world- he'll continue to do that, as long as he lives, no matter how strong and fiesty I know you already are. We had several boy names we liked, Daddy wasn't so sure about girl's names, but I had one I just absolutely loved... after our ultrasound we went to start our baby registry at Babies R Us and your Daddy put a big white letter in the cart to go on your door.... it was the letter of the name I really wanted for you-- he's amazingly kind and loving that way. We have kept your name a secret from everyone and it's driving people nutty. Once you come Earthside, we will proudly announce you to the world... so soon!

We have done many things to prepare for you to have the healthiest 9 months in my belly and to prepare for your arrival. We found the best group of midwives in the state who I knew would give you and I the best care possible and support our desire for you to have a natural, peaceful, gentle birth. I have seen our chiropractor regularly to make sure my body is operating at it's best to support you, we took hypnobirthing classes with a fantastic instructor so I can relax well for you to do your thing on our birthing day. I've read tons of books and articles on how to stay as healthy as possible for you, to learn about what you're doing in my belly, and how I can help your first days and weeks be wonderful :-)   In March, I joined La Leche League so I could meet other mommies who breastfeed and we could start learning about how to get that off to a great start. Daddy completely re-did your room, transforming it from an ugly blue bedroom into the best nursery I have ever seen. We have wonderful friends who were very generous and your Grandma has completely spoiled all of us, so here at 37 weeks, we have everything we need to welcome you home.

This journey has not been without bumps... it took us a lot of work to get to the point where you were in my belly, and twice we have had scary moments where we were worried about your health. On April 16th, I spotted early in the morning while out running errands. Daddy rushed home faster than he ever has before and we went to UCONN hospital. I was scared and cried while waiting for him to get home and while waiting to find out if you were ok. You were just fine and my body was giving me a hard time- you actually kicked the ultrasound machine and kept turning away and hiding your pretty little face- again... so fiesty!  Our second scary day was June 20,. This time I waited a few hours until the morning to call our midwives because I really didn't like going to see strangers at the hospital. I was having contractions and again, you were fine. We had to go to the hospital across the street from the birth center and I had to get some tests done to make sure you weren't coming early (it was 34 weeks). Again, you were more bothered by the monitors than anything, I apologize for the headache they probably gave you!

I have been on bedrest since the end of that week... it's been tough to sit still but I have been resting for you to make sure you're as comfy as possible (and stay inside my belly!)... now we have reached 37 weeks and are ready to welcome you to our home, to our family, and introduce you to the world! We can't wait to teach you about being crunchy, being crafty, being tough... we can't wait to read to you and fall asleep with you in our arms. We can't wait to teach you about the environment and the wonderful world of New England. We can't wait to show you our favorite places to visit, like Boston and Washington, DC. We have some pretty great friends and family who are eager to meet you, too. I cannot forget to mention, we have three dogs in our family, and they all know you're in my belly but aren't sure how you'll get out- Jack, Smokey, and Molly are all going to love and protect you as soon as they meet you in person!

Whenever you're ready, we are ready for you. We love you so much and cannot wait to see who you look like, to hold you in our arms and give you hugs and kisses. We will do everything in our power to make sure your birthing day is as gentle as possible, it's a big day for all of us! I trust you and my body, I know you'll know what to do, and soon we'll be snuggling all together in our home. We love you, little Baby McDonald. We'll see you soon!

Love Always,
Your Crunchy Mommy

Our Birth Preferences... and why.

I debated posting this but want to share, partly because it's great to have ideas for your own birth plan. and partly because some people look at me like I'm nuts because we're having a natural birth in a birth center (probably a water birth)... feel free to ask questions, feel free to add a link to yours, enjoy!
*My commentary is in blue italic font*

Our Family Birth Preferences

Support Team for Catharine 

Father- John   

Doula- Deby 

Mother’s mother- Debra 

Birth Photographer- Christine 

Hypnobirth Instructor- Kate 

John is my primary support person. He will be at my side at all times unless the baby and I must be separated in a medical emergency. In this case, my mother, Debra will stay by my side while John accompanies the baby.

We are planning a natural hypnobirth. We anticipate laboring at home prior to admitting to the Connecticut Childbirth & Women’s Center. We understand that unexpected complications may arise and will rely on our midwives’ medical opinions and informed consent for any unplanned interventions. In the event that our situation requires a transfer to the hospital, we have educated ourselves about potential interventions and request the following be respected if deemed safe by our providers;

Labor & Delivery

·         We strongly prefer as little medical intervention as possible one often leads to another... many procedures are done "routinely' in hospitals and aren't medically necessary for every woman

·         No artificial rupture of membranes without specific informed consent and medical reason When the baby's lungs are fully matured and she is ready to be born, she'll excrete a chemical that breaks down the waters, when membranes are ruptured before this occurs, the baby isn't ready to come out

·         Regardless of our location, we will be practicing hypnobirthing techniques and request dim lighting and quiet voices in the birthing room. She's been in the dark in water for her entire life, no need to add light and noise to the shock of this big day and the temperature change. I also read once that the first voices a baby hears should be her parents, and I like that.

       We respectfully decline any offers for pain medication, including narcotic drugs and epidurals. Some hospitals repeatedly offer pain medication, this isn't an issue at the birth center but we are preparing for any scenario. Hospitals need an anesthesiologist on staff 24/7 for true emergencies- they are VERY well paid doctors. On hospital maternity floors where less than 80% of women get an epidural, the hospital is losing money having them on duty... sick, isn't it?!

·         Our preference is intermittent Doppler monitoring, Should constant monitoring become necessary, we request external monitoring. We will need to discuss internal fetal monitoring with our midwife prior to the monitor. External fetal monitoring is inaccurate and has more false positives (panic when there isn't reason) than accurate positives ( a real emergency)... they also limit a woman's ability to move as her body wants her to to shimmy the baby down into place. Regular intermittent doppler readings by someone trained to use a doppler (a nurse, midwife, or doc) are more accurate. Internal fetal monitoring involves screwing a needle into the baby's skull and still shows little benefit... there needs to be a VERY good reason for this to occur.

·         We only consent to vaginal exams by Women’s Health Associates. We request minimal internal examinations. Internal exams are a welcome way to introduce infection- your vagina doesn't just GET an infection in labor, they aren't comfortable, either. Each cervix dilates (and can UN-dilate) at it's own pace, there is no purpose in these examinations, so stay out, thank you.

·         We prefer that an instrumental birth is a last resort to avoid a cesarean section and will attempt to assist the baby by changing positions and moving around the room/wing  A laboring woman's body is very smart if unmedicated- it will give her urges to move and bend and flex as the baby bends and flexes- further, the lithotomy position (laying on your back, legs up) is the SMALLEST, TIGHTEST position for your pelvis- not really helpful when trying to allow a small human to pass through. When upright, gravity is on your side, the pelvis is open and loose (it's multiple bones, not one circle, you know!) and baby has an easier time out. Additionally- forceps carry the risk of crushing the baby's skull and vacuum extraction is much more harsh than many doctors let on. A vacuum extractor exerts 50lbs of force (on the head of a 6-10lb newborn)... at 75lbs of force, the extractor can decapitate- sounds barbaric, doesn't it?

·         We do not plan to push on command or have counted pushing. Please do not instruct me to push unless a medical urgency arises Holding breath and counting to ten while pushing (like you see on A Baby Story) cuts off oxygen to mom AND baby (and can put baby in "distress"). Often doctors want a woman to push as soon as she hits 10 cm... when labor is left to it's own, there is most often a period of rest for mom and baby, up to 30 minutes even, where contractions slow- your body wants you to take a break before the home stretch! There's a phenomenon called the "fetus ejection reflex"... when a woman lets her body and the baby do the work, the uterus will slowly contract in downward waves and slowly push the baby out on its own... kind of like a tube of toothpaste! Letting this happen GREATLY reduces risk of tearing.

·         We prefer to avoid the use of routine IV’s, I plan to drink clear fluids during labor to maintain hydration. IV or hep-loc will be for medical necessity only and will be discussed prior to administration  Filling a woman with saline messes with the baby's hydration as well as mom's, messes with blood pressure, and leaves the woman swollen after the birth- I have also read it can mess with mom's milk coming in.

·         I prefer to wear my own clothing for the labor and delivery I'm not sick, I don't need a hospital gown! I think it contributes to the vulnerable patient image and further separates mom from the rest of the people in the room.

·         I prefer natural methods of promoting dilation, we wish to labor as long as necessary provided the baby does not exhibit signs of distress Most hospitals label a woman "failing to progress," if she dilates less than 1cm/hr... the rate of dilation varies dramatically between women and is directly affected by how safe/comfortable/relaxed a woman is. Natural stimulation methods include kissing the partner, nipple or sexual stimulation, and even intercourse (early in labor, if water hasn't broken yet!!)

·         We plan to be physically active in labor, it is important to me that I be supported in moving as my body needs to and utilizing water for pain relief—unless there is a serious medical contraindication, I do not wish to lie in bed As I mentioned above, the pelvis is made up of multiple bones/joints, the hormone Relaxin has been getting these joints ready to move for months now, the worst thing that can be done is laying on your back!! Women in labor get urges to bend over, sway their hips, lean in certain directions, squat, or submerge in water- the body knows what to do!!

·         We prefer to use perineal massage to an episiotomy if at all possible. Episiotomy incisions permanently damage muscle, if massage doesn't work (which can be very effective!), natural tears are natural injuries, less scar tissue is create and nerve endings are less likely to be severed... quicker recovery time and less permanent damage.

Newborn care

·         We plan to delay cord clamping at least until it stops pulsating and preferably until the placenta is delivered Mom's blood isn't pumping through the placenta like a hose, what's in the placenta is the baby's blood and has great benefits if she can receive it, lower likelihood of jaundice and anemia, important infection-fighting/immunity-boosting blood cells.

·         Unless there is an urgent medical concern, we wish to allow the placenta to deliver naturally Allowing the placenta to break away on it's own continues the ideal labor cocktail of hormones for decreasing risk of hemorrhage and encouraging mom's breastmilk to come in.

·         John plans to cut the umbilical cord  Typical dad thing, worth mentioning though!

·         We wish for the baby to be placed immediately upon my chest. As long as she is breathing on her own, we would like her to be able to crawl to breast on her time  The best way to regulate a newborn's temperature (more effective than a newborn incubator box!) is skin-to-skin contact with mom. This also helps regulate baby's heartrate and breathing quite effectively

·         Please do not roughly towel the baby, we wish to leave the vernix intact We will wait to bathe the baby at home The vernix, the cheesy coating a baby is born with, has antibacterial, antiviral, and antimicrobial properties... it also has vitamin K in it, which is helpful in clotting. This is especially important in a hospital where many staff may handle the baby and she would be exposed to strangers' germs.

·         Please wait to weight and measure baby and  administer Vitamin K until after breastfeeding has occurred The first breastfeeding and how uninterrupted it is can set the stage for great breastfeeding or breastfeeding difficulties, if you google "breast crawl," you will see videos of babies left to find the breast on their own- in the first hour or so of life, a baby on mom's chest has the ability to crawl to the breast, unmedicated babies will find the breast and latch on instinctively... interrupting this and the first moments of bonding for weight and length measurements seems trivial! She won't grow in an hour.

·         We respectfully decline/waive Erythromycin eye ointment administration. We will sign any necessary waivers  This antibiotic eye ointment is given routinely to all babies in CT, I'm unsure about other states, but many women aren't told WHY it's given, so I'll tell you- if a woman has gonorrhea or chlamydia at the time of delivery, the baby can get those bacteria in his/her eyes in the birth canal- they can lead to blindness/infection. If you don't have either of those, the baby doesn't need antibiotics in their eyes at birth. Additionally, c-section babies don't need it either- as they never came into contact with the birth canal! Gooping up baby's eyes interferes with his/her ability to see mom and dad clearly, can create anxiety because they can't see clearly, and can be irritating (the baby is moments old, we don't know if they're allergic!)

·         We respectfully decline the hepatitis B vaccine at this time, our daughter will receive this under the care of her pediatrician at a later date Unless mom or dad are IV drug users that could have bloodborne contact with the baby and open wounds, it isn't urgent to give this vaccine... again- why are we exposing baby to man-made chemicals in the first moments after birth!? We discussed vaccines (that's another blog) and she won't step on any IV needles between birth and coming home... once she's mobile and could in some crazy universe step on a needle at a park or playground, then we'll give her the Hep B series... babies were meant to have colostrum and skin to skin contact in their first day of life, not shots and antibiotics.

Surgical Birth

It is my strong wish that I give birth vaginally. In the event that my midwife and consulting obstetrician feel a cesarean section is absolutely necessary for the safety of my life and that of our baby, we request the following to make the surgery as family-friendly and natural as possible:

·         My husband will accompany me and my doula or mother will be available as a backup support person should John need to leave my side to follow the baby I don't know that my mom want to be in my OR, my doula has attended c-sections...one of them would be with me.

·         ALL IV medications are to be discussed with us prior to administration. Informed consent isn't too much to ask for, right? Sometimes women are given sedatives or other drugs in their anesthesia and not told, not ok.

·         I do not consent to insertion of a urinary catheter until after anesthesia is in place Ouch. A simple courtesy I believe...

·         I would like to request one arm be left free so that after the birth I may hold my baby with assistance  You can still have skin to skin contact in a surgical birth, I feel if I had to have a cesarean it would be that much more important!

·         If the baby is breathing on her own, I would like her placed on my chest immediately with my husband supporting her while my incision is being closed. same idea as the last bullet point

·         If a cesarean section is necessary, I request a surgeon able to complete a double-layer stitch as I plan to have subsequent deliveries vaginally.  Please ensure someone proficient in a double-layer suture is part of our medical team. The uterus is made up of multiple layers of muscle... some contract vertically and others horizontally, it makes sense to sew them up separately so they can work in harmony next pregnancy. Additionally, this double-layer reduces the risk of uterine rupture in subsequent pregnancies

·         I do not consent to the administration of sedatives after delivery. Some women are given a sedative after surgery, I would want to be awake and alert to feed baby as soon as possible.

·         We prefer all routine procedures be delayed until after I have been taken to recovery. Again, no urgent need to weigh or measure the baby, especially if we both went through major surgery.

·         I do not consent to baby being removed from our presence at any time. Taking the baby away for routine testing is not okay with us- one of us will be with her at all times to ensure our wishes are respected and she's appropriately cared for.

·         I would like the IV and catheter removed as soon as possible so I may get out of bed and move around

·         I wish to eat as soon as possible after delivery

Soooooo that's our birth plan thus far!! Anything I forgot?