So my blog-reading friends, why discuss it now? Birth of course! As one of the last of my friends and acquaintances to get pregnant, I have seen many pregnancies and births progress over the past several years. As I learned more about birth I began to listen to birth experiences with a different understanding. People often assume that I don't really know what I'm talking about when I discuss birth because they know I haven't birthed yet. In the field of counseling, therapists are very successful in helping people work through issues they themselves have never experienced, and I liken this knowledge I've acquired to that analogy. I know that I know more about pregnancy, birth, and maternity care than many of my friends, I have probably read 20+ books on the topic, good books, not rants from angry moms or doctors... research-based literature. My understanding of my friends' births have changed as I have developed a strong knowledge of the state of prenatal and maternity care in and out of the US. It is because I am a counselor (and not just a fiery redhead) that I withhold [most of] my opinions when women share why they had to have this invasive intervention or that. I'm not going to sit here and tell a person she didn't really need that or it wasn't the doctor that saved the day, it was their own body. Throughout this pregnancy I have had many little aha moments in which I felt blessed that we are seeing a midwife rather than a doctor, I have heard stories of pregnant friends seeing an OB/GYN or pressured into procedures I know they could have avoided, and I quietly wonder, was it truly unplanned, or was it an SFP? What were these people expecting? Was this what was bound to happen because quietly that's what the woman or doctor expected? Are women uneducated in general about birth and the state of modern maternity care, or are they hoping to let the doc be in charge so they don't have to make these decisions? Or do they not know any differently?
As I journey through this pregnancy and now in my third trimester approaching my labor and baby's birth, I am thinking about what my birth SFP will be. Early on I was hesitant to envision this in great detail because I don't want to become rigid in my plans or set myself up for disappointment or upset. How do you thoroughly plan a self-fulfilling prophecy and corresponding birth plan... to surrender to the birth process? Sounds a bit like an oxymoron, but that's what I am about to do in the coming weeks. Create a detailed plan of how I'll surrender. Tirelessly educating myself about pregnancy, prenatal care, labor, and birth has given me powerful knowledge that's helping with the "surrender" part, so I finally feel that I'm at a place where I can plan some of the details. We have our fourth hypnobirth class this coming week and the following week, we'll develop our birth plan with our doula, which I plan to share on here because there just aren't enough birth plans online! I think I'm going to ramble about my self-fulfilling prophecy and then I'll give a few of my inspirations :-)
We are going to go into labor naturally, I am going to be so ready for this beautiful birth that I might not notice early on, but I'll get the idea eventually, my body and my baby will tell me. Baby girl is already opinionated so she'll let me know. Wherever I am whenever this happens (somewhere between 37 and 42 weeks, my "expected due month") I will retreat to our room in our wonderful peaceful home that we have made ours the past three years-anticipating sharing it with little ones to come. I'll take advantage of our room-darkening shades if it's daytime, put on my hypnobirthing relaxation tracks on my iPod and take a NAP! When I wake up, I'll take a shower, perhaps go for a walk in the neighborhood, and then put together some food to bring to the birth center in case we're there a while. I'm thinking marathon foods, birth is a physical event, like a 5k! I need energy foods. I'm thinking pasta (which I love with just margarine, butter, or olive oil), Powerade, and some popsicles which will obviously need a cooler but won't last long knowing my love for frozen delights. We'll have the doula come over when I've completed these little tasks... she'll help keep John calm, give him ideas to help me get and stay comfortable, and suggest position changes as baby and I move along in labor. We'll have a birth ball here and I'll likely use that and the couch or bed to stay comfortable.
My doula will know when we need to call the midwives and tell them we're on our way to the birth center... she'll help us time our trip so we are about halfway into our labor. I'll refrain from using centimeter references as we'll be keeping exams to a minimum (or avoiding them altogether)...regular checking in does me no good- when there's a head coming out of between my legs- it's time to have a baby- it's also invasive and introduces unnecessary bacteria into the birth canal, but more about that later. John will help me relax with the hypnobirthing scripts we have learned in classes and he'll pick up on any tension or anxiety he observes coming up... he has been my rock this entire journey and will be the person who keeps me calm and centered on our baby's birthing day. I know he'll be an amazing birth companion.
When we get to the birth center I will be able to move, eat, and relax however I want and need to. I'll listen to the baby and my body and just stay comfortable, moving where they need me to be. The birth center has birthing balls, a queen-size bed, a 2-person shower, a jacuzzi tub and a birthing rocking chair (the middle slides out so you can deliver in this helpful seated/vertical position with your hips and bum supported)... I have so many options as to where I can be to relax! I envision rocking in the rocking chair or on the birth ball for a while, and then getting into the tub with John [who will be in swim trunks!] behind me-leaning up against "my rock" for support. From this position he'll be able to easily sense or feel any tension I may develop and help me relax through it. I would love to birth our baby in the water, and once the baby's head is out, the midwives welcome fathers to help guide the baby out and up to mom's chest... I would love for our birth to go this way... for John to help bring our baby up for her first breath and for the three of us to all be physically connected and holding one another to welcome baby girl into the world. What a peaceful way for her to start her life out of the womb! If we birth in the tub, the midwife and nurse will help me to the bed to deliver the placenta and snuggle up to baby. We will hold off on any non-urgent assessments such as weight/length etc and let the baby do the "breast crawl," to initiate breastfeeding. For those of you who haven't seen this amazing phenomena, if left to its own, a newborn placed on mother's belly will crawl on their own up the mom's body, find the breast, and latch by themselves. The baby uses instincts and is guided by the smell of the vernix (the baby's waxy coating) which matches the smell of hormones excreted by the breast and through these carnal instincts, the baby knows how to get to the breast to feed. AMAZING! Brilliant! After these first few hours, the baby loses the ability to crawl until months later when their spine is morphing from it's newborn c-shape to a more normal curve.
It's worth mentioning- when the baby is allowed to go through this process uninterrupted, mom and baby often have a better breastfeeding connection from the get-go, it's a developmental process of skin-to-skin contact and the beginning of "baby-led" breastfeeding, which I'll be sure to blog about later on. Routine medical assessments/procedures can wait... the apgar score can be obtained without interrupting this process and unless the baby has a (uncommon) complication or concern, there is no need to rush what translates to paperwork.
John and I will lay down and relax in bed with the baby while she ventures to her first feeding... we will be patient in this precious first hour or so- you can never get it back, it only happens immediately after birth and will truly be a gift to witness. In this same bed where baby gets to have her first feeding, we as a family of three will get to relax for a few hours after the birth. Once we've rested and I have showered and gotten dressed, we will tuck our little peanut into her car seat and come home as three instead of two... we get to sleep in our own room that night, eat home-cooked food, and no one will separate us or interrupt our rest to take vitals etc. In the 24-36hours following our trip home, one of our midwives will make a home visit to check on both of us again, and we'll go to their office a week later for our routine follow-up.
So... this is my self-fulfilling prophecy I'll make happen by continuing to envision the next 9-14 weeks... this is how our beautiful birth will go. I'll continue to listen to my relaxation exercises at night, we'll continue to practice relaxation breathing in hypnobirth, I"ll continue to nourish both myself and baby, I'll continue to exercise and make sure my body is ready to help my baby out, we'll avoid unnecessary interventions (which isn't a concern with the midwife, but choosing a midwife is what I've done to take care of this task!), and John... he'll keep reading his hypnobirthing book, reading bedtime stories to the baby (who already can't wait to meet him), and being the amazing husband he is... that's all I need from him.. He's awesome.
We are going to go into labor naturally, I am going to be so ready for this beautiful birth that I might not notice early on, but I'll get the idea eventually, my body and my baby will tell me. Baby girl is already opinionated so she'll let me know. Wherever I am whenever this happens (somewhere between 37 and 42 weeks, my "expected due month") I will retreat to our room in our wonderful peaceful home that we have made ours the past three years-anticipating sharing it with little ones to come. I'll take advantage of our room-darkening shades if it's daytime, put on my hypnobirthing relaxation tracks on my iPod and take a NAP! When I wake up, I'll take a shower, perhaps go for a walk in the neighborhood, and then put together some food to bring to the birth center in case we're there a while. I'm thinking marathon foods, birth is a physical event, like a 5k! I need energy foods. I'm thinking pasta (which I love with just margarine, butter, or olive oil), Powerade, and some popsicles which will obviously need a cooler but won't last long knowing my love for frozen delights. We'll have the doula come over when I've completed these little tasks... she'll help keep John calm, give him ideas to help me get and stay comfortable, and suggest position changes as baby and I move along in labor. We'll have a birth ball here and I'll likely use that and the couch or bed to stay comfortable.
My doula will know when we need to call the midwives and tell them we're on our way to the birth center... she'll help us time our trip so we are about halfway into our labor. I'll refrain from using centimeter references as we'll be keeping exams to a minimum (or avoiding them altogether)...regular checking in does me no good- when there's a head coming out of between my legs- it's time to have a baby- it's also invasive and introduces unnecessary bacteria into the birth canal, but more about that later. John will help me relax with the hypnobirthing scripts we have learned in classes and he'll pick up on any tension or anxiety he observes coming up... he has been my rock this entire journey and will be the person who keeps me calm and centered on our baby's birthing day. I know he'll be an amazing birth companion.
When we get to the birth center I will be able to move, eat, and relax however I want and need to. I'll listen to the baby and my body and just stay comfortable, moving where they need me to be. The birth center has birthing balls, a queen-size bed, a 2-person shower, a jacuzzi tub and a birthing rocking chair (the middle slides out so you can deliver in this helpful seated/vertical position with your hips and bum supported)... I have so many options as to where I can be to relax! I envision rocking in the rocking chair or on the birth ball for a while, and then getting into the tub with John [who will be in swim trunks!] behind me-leaning up against "my rock" for support. From this position he'll be able to easily sense or feel any tension I may develop and help me relax through it. I would love to birth our baby in the water, and once the baby's head is out, the midwives welcome fathers to help guide the baby out and up to mom's chest... I would love for our birth to go this way... for John to help bring our baby up for her first breath and for the three of us to all be physically connected and holding one another to welcome baby girl into the world. What a peaceful way for her to start her life out of the womb! If we birth in the tub, the midwife and nurse will help me to the bed to deliver the placenta and snuggle up to baby. We will hold off on any non-urgent assessments such as weight/length etc and let the baby do the "breast crawl," to initiate breastfeeding. For those of you who haven't seen this amazing phenomena, if left to its own, a newborn placed on mother's belly will crawl on their own up the mom's body, find the breast, and latch by themselves. The baby uses instincts and is guided by the smell of the vernix (the baby's waxy coating) which matches the smell of hormones excreted by the breast and through these carnal instincts, the baby knows how to get to the breast to feed. AMAZING! Brilliant! After these first few hours, the baby loses the ability to crawl until months later when their spine is morphing from it's newborn c-shape to a more normal curve.
It's worth mentioning- when the baby is allowed to go through this process uninterrupted, mom and baby often have a better breastfeeding connection from the get-go, it's a developmental process of skin-to-skin contact and the beginning of "baby-led" breastfeeding, which I'll be sure to blog about later on. Routine medical assessments/procedures can wait... the apgar score can be obtained without interrupting this process and unless the baby has a (uncommon) complication or concern, there is no need to rush what translates to paperwork.
John and I will lay down and relax in bed with the baby while she ventures to her first feeding... we will be patient in this precious first hour or so- you can never get it back, it only happens immediately after birth and will truly be a gift to witness. In this same bed where baby gets to have her first feeding, we as a family of three will get to relax for a few hours after the birth. Once we've rested and I have showered and gotten dressed, we will tuck our little peanut into her car seat and come home as three instead of two... we get to sleep in our own room that night, eat home-cooked food, and no one will separate us or interrupt our rest to take vitals etc. In the 24-36hours following our trip home, one of our midwives will make a home visit to check on both of us again, and we'll go to their office a week later for our routine follow-up.
So... this is my self-fulfilling prophecy I'll make happen by continuing to envision the next 9-14 weeks... this is how our beautiful birth will go. I'll continue to listen to my relaxation exercises at night, we'll continue to practice relaxation breathing in hypnobirth, I"ll continue to nourish both myself and baby, I'll continue to exercise and make sure my body is ready to help my baby out, we'll avoid unnecessary interventions (which isn't a concern with the midwife, but choosing a midwife is what I've done to take care of this task!), and John... he'll keep reading his hypnobirthing book, reading bedtime stories to the baby (who already can't wait to meet him), and being the amazing husband he is... that's all I need from him.. He's awesome.
My Inspirations
*Women are meant to birth! Our bodies know what to do! That's how we got this far in civilization!
*My baby knows when it's time to come- when the baby is fully developed he/she releases a hormone that starts contractions. I like this affirmation:
Everything exists in a divine order, and my baby will be born right on schedule, according to her time.
*By eliminating fear, tension is reduced and pain is avoided... google "Grantly Dick Read" if you want to learn more, he wrote "Childbirth Without Fear" and discussed the physiology behind this. A great example my hypnobirth instructor gave was the act of flexing your bicep- which you don't often tense... flex your bicep, hold it there 20-30 seconds. It doesn't hurt, does it? The uterus is a muscle- granted these contractions are involuntary, but they're simply muscle contractions. When you're not full of tension and panic, they don't have to hurt. If you tense a straight arm and try to flex a bicep, it's a bit more difficult- don't fight it and it's easy and mindless... this can be applied to the uterus, too. Childbirth doesn't have to be miserable and painful! The highlight of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (for me) was when she said this about contractions:
The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it is you.
Without chemicals (Pitocin, Cervidil, Prepidil, etc), your body won't make a contraction stronger than you can handle or strong enough to stress the baby out- isn't that nice of your body?
*Midwives have a better track record than ob/gyn's internationally.. I feel safe in the care of a midwife and know that their watchful eye will be much more helpful than electronic monitoring from a distance as occurs in many hospitals. If I don't have to be guarded, I can fully surrender to the process... simple enough.
*I will use the birth tub to relax because when submerged in water, gravity is on your side and the warm water softens your muscles and tissues reducing the risk of tearing while easing tension... how ideal for baby! In case anyone is wondering... babies don't drown when they are born underwater because they receive their oxygen from the placenta until it stops pulsating... we'll have plenty of time to pull her up to my chest :-)
I've always been a fan of quotes so here are just a few other quotes about birth that I love :-)
Just as a woman’s heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth.
~ Virginia Di Orio300,000 women will be giving birth with you today.
Relax and breathe and do nothing else.
Labor is hard work and you can do it.
~Unknown
Relax and breathe and do nothing else.
Labor is hard work and you can do it.
~Unknown
The knowledge of how to give birth without outside intervention lies deep within each woman. Successful childbirth depends on an acceptance of the process.
~ Suzanne Arms
~ Suzanne Arms
"A grand adventure is about to begin." ~Winnie the Pooh
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