Nighttime Parenting

One of the conference sessions we attended at the LLL Conference was very simply titled, "Nighttime Parenting." This phrase sounds nondescript, yet it caught my attention because while we know parenting is a 24/7 job, society has a few things they say or ask about parenting at night, and we don't commonly think of parenting during what my husband refers to on his job as "mids." Common questions new parents hear include "Does she sleep through the night?" "How much sleep are you getting?" "Where is she sleeping?" "She's not in your room still, is she?" and the like.  American society seems to be pretty focused on fitting babies into adult schedules as conveniently and quickly as possible. Early on in pregnancy I pointed out to my husband that for much of your life, your stomach is roughly the size of your fist... have you ever SEEN a newborn's fist? They're TINY! It has always made sense to me that a baby isn't supposed to sleep all night. Cue the fabulous, amazing, hope-instilling, validating conference session, Nighttime Parenting.
The opening mantra of sorts for this seminar will resonate with me for this child, for our next child, and hopefully our third someday... Whatever sleeping arrangement allows Mommy to 'mommy' in the morning is the RIGHT sleeping arrangement.   John and I exchanged the same look, as if to say, “really? It’s ok? Well we can do that!”
I have known since long before baby girl was on her way that someday when we had a newborn, I would want the baby in our room, close to me, and I never had a timeline for how long , I just knew he or she would have to be near me… I knew that would be the only place I would be comfortable having a newborn and I hoped John wouldn’t mind because I’d hate to upset him as I went about what I was going to do anyway. J  When one of my friends was expecting last winter, she introduced me to the concept of the Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper. .. Perfect!  While I want the baby as close to me as possible, I have been trying to figure out how to coordinate our furry children who sometimes climb into the bed for snuggles or comforter theft… I can’t have a 40-lb snoring dog passed out next to a newborn! The co-sleeper is the perfect compromise, I can have the baby right next to me, slide her into bed for nighttime feedings, and if the dogs happen upon our bed, my body will block them.  Now I just had to update John on this plan. Thankfully, as with all other pregnancy/parenting decisions that have come up, John has trusted either my education or my instinct (often both) and been supportive.  Our conversations have gone something like this:
Me: I’m firing my OB/GYN and getting a midwife
John: Let’s go interview some, do you want a homebirth?
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Me: I want to see a midwife AND birth at a birth center.
John:  The midwife said I can help deliver the baby!
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Me: I’m going to breastfeed.
John: That’s awesome, my daddy book says once you’ve established a good breastfeeding routine, then I can occasionally bottle feed pumped milk, but only one feeding a day at first.
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Me: I am going to a La Leche League Conference, Dads can go, too.
John: Do I need to take a day off or am I free?
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Me: I want to hypnobirth, possibly in the water
John: I can be in the water, too.
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Me: I want to use only chlorine-free diapers and wipes
John: Where can we get them cheapest?
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Me: I’m going to wear the baby.
John: Can I get my own sling?
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John’s initial reaction was definitely supportive, but we both don’t know much about co-sleeping. I have read a little bit about attachment and co-sleeping, which is very appealing to a wannabe-stay-at-home working mom-to-be, but I had what I presume are some common questions- how long do you do it? What if you want to go away for a night? When should the baby sleep in her room? When will we have private time?
The conference session was not a lecture offering the researched correct answers for these questions, but somehow we found our answers… parents in the room shared their experiences with co-sleeping, and many of them have multiple children (so there IS still private time with co-sleeping!)… the general consensus had several themes:
-Crying it out never works. Dr. Sears adamantly speaks out against this method and in his experience as a pediatrician, he defines the “it”  is baby’s need and the “out” is giving up. When a baby is left to “Cry it out,” they stop crying when they have given up asking for their needs to be met… not my idea of loving/parenting.
-Pediatricians, friends, acquaintances, and strangers are very curious ‘How is baby sleeping?”  The generally accepted LLL answer is, “With her eyes closed.” J
- Co-sleeping parents seem to get a decent night’s sleep pretty early on, and everyone we heard from indicated they don’t know how they’d sleep otherwise.
- school-age children who co-slept as babies DO sleep in their own rooms, but feel safe coming to their parents for comfort- what a good feeling that is to look forward to!
Each parent in the room described their nighttime parenting routines and arrangement and the one that I liked the best seemed like the best of both worlds (like the co-sleeper!)… the parents put the baby down after dinner/story time in her crib in her room, when she wakes for the first nighttime feeding, they bring her into their room and she spends the remainder of the night in the co-sleeper.  I like this idea because the nursery isn’t totally foreign to the child, you get regular use out of the crib, and there’s some grown-up time worked into each night. The baby’s needs never go unmet, and there is predictability.  We think this is what we’ll try. Comment below, I’d love to hear your sleeping arrangements with baby and/or experiences with co-sleeping!

Birth doesn't have to be painful, and other cool things I learned in Hypnobirthing

This week we had our first hypnobirthing class (of five). I have been [most times] politely ignoring comments from people the past 25 weeks about how painful their births were, how scary birth can be, how XYZ intervention had to happen because of ABC, how I have no idea what I'm in for, how I'll know I want an epidural once I'm "in the moment," and how I won't get a medal for going natural... the list goes on- I've filtered MANY messages. People aren't eager to tell you how capable you are, how strong you are, or remind you that a woman's body was MEANT to birth... not the common person, but ahhh, enter the HYPNOBIRTH INSTRUCTOR! TA DA!

You can birth! 


It doesn't have to be excruciating! 


Your body knows what to do!


Your baby knows what to do!


Birth can be beautiful!


How many people have heard these affirmations from an OB/GYN? I sure hadn't. I have done a good amount of reading the past few months, I have read of ecstatic and even orgasmic births in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, I have seen You Tube videos of peaceful hypnobirths, and I have followed some great blogs about natural birth. Thank the LORD for the internet so I can seek out my own positive supports. I decided hypnobirthing was for me long before I knew anyone personally who has done it, and it's been nice that I have found a crunchy mama here and there who has done it (all have great feedback), but I was largely going into this on my own instinct, deciding that what I understood of hypnobirthing aligned with what I believe. People (mostly at work) think I'm crazy when I say that I am looking forward to birth, I see the potential for what an amazing day it can be, and like everything else in my Type-A life, I want to be good at it!

Enter Kate, our hypnobirthing instructor, who we met Monday. She is one of the few instructors in the state who offers private in-home classes, which we needed to fit around John's work schedule. In our email exchanges Kate was friendly and kind, I got the impression we'd enjoy learning with her. When she introduced herself this week we heard a bit about her own hypnobirth... she delivered twins naturally using hypnobirthing, in an operating room (talk about ambiance, eh?). What an endorsement! If she can deliver two kids in one day with hypnobirthing, surely I can deliver one.

The goal of hypnobirthing education is that by alleviating unnecessary fears around childbirth and enhancing confidence in mom and baby's bodies and instincts, total relaxation is feasible. The modules have the perfect mix of logic and science for the academic in me, and it just... makes sense.  Have you ever asked yourself why humans are the only mammals that scream and cry and wail in childbirth? Maybe we're doing it wrong...

Hypnobirth talks about Dr. Grantly Dick-Read's Fear-Tension-Pain relationship... Fears about birth or labor, often created and enhanced and perpetuated by media and medical professionals (and ladies at work, at the grocery store, and great Aunt Millie at the family picnic)... these fears, however irrational they may be, create tension... which leads to... PAIN!  A great example we heard in class was flexing of a bicep, when you contract a bicep, it doesn't hurt, you can curl your bicep and hold it for 30-60 seconds... might get tired, but doesn't hurt.  This leads to a crazy question... Why would the uterus be the only muscle in the entire body that hurts to contract? Probably doesn't have to be that way. When you run without breathing properly, what happens? You get a cramp, the cramp hurts... if you were breathing and contracting properly, running wouldn't be painful- and thus.. childbirth doesn't have to be either. Hypnobirthing does not by any means promise a pain-free labor, but most women describe it as uncomfortable at times, and not nearly as painful as the typical water cooler traumatic birth story.

If left to its own devices, the uterus will contract and expand on its own, thinning the cervix and opening the birth canal. If a woman is NEVER instructed to push on demand, told to count to 10, and just sat back (or laid back or squatted, wherever she needs to be), simply breathing deeply can help the baby down. There is a   series of muscle actions that can occur if the woman lets her body work with her baby, called the Maternal Fetal Ejection Reflex. If this series of muscle activities is allowed to occur in a relaxed mother, the uterus will  on its own accord push the baby out, slowly and gently, and the birth canal will stretch in gentle waves as mom's body slowly guides the baby down... no counting to ten, holding breath, or straining beyond the norm required. Understanding this phenomenon is empowering, my body knows how my baby needs to come out, when each need rest, and it all happens when one surrenders to the birth process. I feel empowered knowing that all I need to do is relax, for the next 15 weeks, I will practice this... relaxing!

The hypnobirth education program includes 2 cd's with 4 guided meditation/relaxation exercises, these include birth "rehearsal" envisioning the perfect birth (hello, self-fulfilling prophecy), affirming that mom's body knows what it needs to do, reminding that baby is aware and also will instinctively know what to do, and educating mom and partner on how to relax quickly and deeply. The first few nights I've been doing these CD's I have had some great experiences
-I am sleeping better than I have in weeks, definitely falling asleep faster and staying asleep longer

-I love feeling the baby react to my relaxation exercises, I know I'm giving her good endorphins and oxygen now, and will create a more peaceful birth for her when she's ready to make her entry into the world... what a great birth day gift!

-I feel empowered knowing birth doesn't have to be dreaded, feared, or miserable!

I'd love to write more, but I have some laundry to fold before relaxation exercise time :-)  Before I close, I'm going to attach a YouTube link to my favorite online hypnobirth video thus far, please take a few minutes to view, it's INCREDIBLE what birth can be.

*Hypno Water Birth at a Birth Center*

*Nancy's Home Hypno Water Birth*

These are my kind of mommies...

Yesterday my husband and I went to our first La Leche League Conference... They had four sessions, a silent auction, raffle gift baskets, a bookstore, and vendors. I registered hoping that we would learn a little about the world of breastfeeding and figured anything extra would be a nice bonus. I was pleasantly surprised my husband wanted to accompany me, and he even registered for a Daddy-focused workshop, "Softness with Whiskers." I selected Breastfeeding in the First Three Months, Avoiding Breastfeeding Challenges, 9 Stages of Skin to Skin, and Nighttime Parenting. I don't want to reflect on them all in one post, so I'll devote this blog to breastfeeding.


The breastfeeding workshops were informative and helpful as well as encouraging... as I learn more about breastfeeding my confidence and commitment to this little girl both grow stronger. I also feel a bit of an ego trip, I am woman, watch me make milk! I think it's pretty fabulous that not only can I grow a human, but I can make everything she needs to grow and thrive, by simply eating healthy and staying hydrated. I think it's amazing that as she grows and changes, my milk will grow and change. Even though we are no longer sharing the same blood supply, I give her all she needs, nifty! Here are some great facts about breastfeeding and breastmilk that I think are deserving of blog space: 


Fact: No baby is allergic to their mom's milk. Back in the 80s my mom was told this when my sister got sick in her first days of life. We now know that babies can be allergic to something in mom's DIET, but never her milk, it makes sense- why would your body grow a human it can't feed. The most common reason for babies' reaction to breastmilk is cow proteins that aren't always easily digested, these don't always mix well with a newborn digestive tract


Fact: Breastfeeding reduces a woman's risk of breast, cervical, uterine and ovarian cancers. Cool bonus! Further, here's a quote from April 2010 Scientific American Magazine...  In fact, not breastfeeding after giving birth seems to put women at higher risk for breast and ovarian cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular disease and many other serious health conditions. The mechanisms behind these increased risks are still being sorted out, but researchers think that by not engaging in the process that the body prepares for during pregnancy, many crucial systems can go out of whack. And the effects can last for decades after children are weaned.  

"The normal physiology is breastfeeding after pregnancy," says Alison Stuebe, an assistant professor in the Division of Maternal Fetal Medicine at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, who describes breastfeeding as the fourth trimester of pregnancy. When women cannot or choose not to breastfeed, "there are myriad consequences, and we're just figuring them out," she says

Fact: Adults who were breastfed as babies often have lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol, and type-2 diabetes. There is evidence that people who were breastfed perform better in intelligence tests. So my kids will be more intelligent AND healthier. Even better!


Fact: Breastfed babies have lower rates of obesity and weight problems later in life. There are three possible explanations for an association between breastfeeding and reduced risk of obesity at an older age. Breastfed infants may self-regulate their intake; breastfed infants have lower plasma insulin levels, which stimulates greater adipose tissue deposition; and breastfed infants have an increased level of leptin, a protein hormone in human milk. Leptin is thought to be a key regulator of appetite and body fatness. In reviewing 11 studies, 8 showed a lower risk of obesity in children who had been breastfed Dewey, K.G. Is breastfeeding protective against child obesity? J Human Lact 2003; 19 (1) 9-18.


Fact: Children who were breastfed have less incidence of asthma, allergies, eczema, and ear infections. La Leche League also states that breastfeeding also has a protective effect against juvenile diabetes, celiac disease, childhood cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, urinary tract infections, multiple sclerosis, liver disease, and acute appendicitis. 


Fact: Breastfeeding saves EVERYONE money. Just counting the improved health outcomes for the infants alone, the U.S. could save about $13 billion each year on medical costs if 90 percent of women nursed their infants exclusively for the first six months, according to an analysis by led by Melissa Bartick of the Department of Medicine at Cambridge Health Alliance and Harvard Medical School, published March 2010 in the journal Pediatrics.


Fact: Breastfeeding makes vaccines more efficient: Breastfeeding increases the effectiveness of immunizations, increasing the protection against polio, tetanus, and diptheria vaccines.


Fact: Breastfeeding is great for baby's oral health: The activity of sucking at the breast enhances development of baby’s oral muscles, facial bones, and aids in optimal dental development. Additionally, the regular act of feeding at the breast reduces baby's risk of TMJ, as the jaw forms properly.




If you have a cool fact about breastfeeding, please comment below, I'd love to add more to the list!

The walk button... and other puppy tricks

As I got up from my desk to venture across our ginormous office to the ladies room (which in some cruel joke is located at the furthest point from the one pregnant lady in the building) on my 11th or 12th trip of the day, I realized how smart my daughter is. People say babies in the womb like the soothing motion of momma walking. Baby has CLEARLY figured out that I have to walk a good tenth of a mile to the bathroom each time she presses what I have named, the walk button. I also call it "the organ formerly known as bladder," but to her, it's the walk button. She pushes it, I have to stop what I'm doing, log off my phone and *PRESTO!* We're going for a walk! Gosh my unborn child is crafty, brilliant even. She's got me well trained, she pushes, I drop everything and take her for a walk. My three dogs would LOVE a walk button. Sometimes they gaze longingly at the leash, sometimes they hover by the front door, but they don't have a button entirely devoted to fulfilling their requests... if they only knew. She can even modify my pace... I may be taking a leisurely stroll around the mall in this neverending inclement weather and suddenly she decides, "Hey mom, speed it up a bit... *PRESS*" and off I go, like the starting gun in a 5K, I'm a woman on a mission, make way! Genius!

My daughter is also teaching me tricks to entertain herself in our remaining 18 or so weeks as bodymates... her favorite is "roll over," (please refer to The Human Rotisserie" blog post for more info on this). Not only can I not get comfortable in bed for more than 20 minutes at a time, but she also wants to kick back and relax on demand. Shortly after my latest rotisserie turn, if baby girl decides she isn't feeling the position of the 1/2 hour, she'll spread her arms and stretch a ligament or two so I have no choice but to turn. I envision a smaller version of myself saying, "Mommy, not this wayyyyy mooooove over!" and so I move, and she wins. The "Mommy Roll Over" has been mastered.

I have also mastered "lay down," although this may be more pregnancy than daughter... everywhere I am I just want to put my feet up, lean on a shopping cart (or husband if available), stretch back... anything remotely close to laying down, I'm there. I don't dare stretch and breathe at the gym for fear I'd start snoring right there... I have this lay down thing to a science. 30 minutes after I start my day, I'm ready for my first trick... can it please be lay down? A close relative of "lay down" is "sit, stay." I enjoy both sitting and staying these days, if only I got treats (like Ben and Jerry's, for example) for sitting and staying. We don't call it this in our home, but on nights when John is around, he often lets me sit and stay, and rewards me with ice cream. Not a bad situation if I do say so myself.

I'd love to write about my other many puppy trick talents, but alas, someone's pushing The Walk Button. :-)