It's a... PRONOUN!

In the week(s) leading up to our anatomy scan (which was Tuesday), I expressed some of my eagerness with friends and family. In general, coworkers and friends my age were eager to guess, while some of the more maternal people in my life whom I look up to were more eager to hear all was well. I felt a bit uncomfortable in my wondering, unable to pinpoint the origin of my yearning. I am a counselor! I can uncover anything! I reflected, I processed, and was still islanded from my answer. I knew my top priorities were healthy spine, healthy heart and other organs, good placental placement, 10 fingers, 10 toes... and if possible we'd love to know the gender. But why? 

We arrived at Maternal-Fetal Medicine 30 minutes prior to our appointment as the packet indicated. I wasn't sure why we had to arrive so early if all the paperwork was sent to us in advance, but I did not dare to question for fear that I'd be deemed late and rescheduled, you have the wand, you make the rules. When we walked in the door of MFM at 12:30pm for our 1pm appointment, it quickly became apparent why we had to arrive early- so we could keep the waiting room company during their lunch hour- more waiting! I waited 15 months to get pregnant and 18 weeks for this test! C'mon people! Heat a lean pocket and get on with it!

About 10 minutes into our ultrasound (which started 'promptly' at 1:15 for our 1pm appointment we arrived 30 minutes early for), the sonographer announced she was making the call "girl," IT'S A GIRL! John's smiling jaw dropped, I could feel his lightheadedness from two feet away, and I just took a deep breath- ok, I know. Why do I want to know?  It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized why...

The sonographer proceeded to tell us, "his heart looks great!"  WAIT A MINUTE, LADY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING MY DAUGHTER'S HEART 'HIS'?!?! Pronouns. I've been praying for this baby for what feels like forever. When we got our positive test and then low progesterone results I prayed for this baby to be okay, I prayed I wouldn't lose this baby. As people asked if I was pregnant I lied through my teeth, afraid I would have to share bad news if I shared my good news too early. I prayed for baby to forgive me for fibbing about his/her existence. As my very sick first trimester dragged on for what felt like a queasy eternity I prayed baby would be healthy. In the few weeks before my my ultrasound I felt faint kicks and quickly began using "his/her" for every pronoun, it felt less impersonal than "baby." I waited all this time and this lady mistakenly calls my she a he?! Obviously I corrected her, "I am so happy her heart looks good!"  

SHE has pronouns. Our baby girl is healthy! She is growing well! She is 11 ounces! She's a she! I didn't want to know so I could buy 1,000 pink or blue shirts and pants, or stereotypically girly paint or boyish paint, I just wanted some pronouns. She is wonderful, and she is ours. <3