The Human Rotisserie

As I approach 20 weeks this week, I am feeling distinctly rotisserie-like. I'm getting more "meaty" in front, my weight shifts unevenly like a rotisserie chicken, and most rotisserie-esque... I have to flip regularly in bed, all night. As you may imagine, this can make getting a solid night's sleep a challenge.

I start out the evening with great intentions, chamomile tea perhaps, hydrated (aka marinated in my new favorite substance... water). Months ago John bought me a Mommy Boppy pregnancy pillow, I position half on either side of my torso so I can rotate like a barbeque spit. I am a tosser/turner. We have a GREAT mattress, I fidget during the day and I fidget during the night. Having a small ellipse shape on either side of my growing belly is ideal, right?  It would be if I didn't wake up every 20-30 minutes. I often wake up on my right side and "correct" myself to sleep on the left, where I am often greeted by a sneaky puppy who has shimmied onto and up the middle of the bed.

I have long known you are supposed to lay on your left side when pregnant, I did not understand why. This position creates the ideal blood flow through the vena cava, it's not big deal, I mean- if you don't WANT to give your baby good blood supply so you can be more comfortable on your right, just go ahead. I already feel like a neglectful mom just from being comfortable on my right side! Ack! Other articles and information go into greater detail about how the spine is better aligned laying on our left side, left side-sleeping allows the kidneys to better flush out waste, and reduces acid reflux. Is that all?! No pressure or anything... except on my alarm clock.

Did I mention I have a new alarm clock? She's in my belly. She, not unlike her canine family members, starts to prepare for her daddy's noctural return home around 1030- he often does not get home until close to midnight. Sometimes she is so active I feel as though she is trying to poke through my belly button and greet him at the door, "Daddy! Daddy you're home! Over here! I'm stuck in mommy's rotisserie belly!!!" Thus begins Battle Bedtime. I may find myself victorious, until the first bathroom trip of the evening, and it starts again... I don't have a bun, I have a little cornish hen in my oven. Oh well... I love my little hen, *ding!* time to rotate.

It's a... PRONOUN!

In the week(s) leading up to our anatomy scan (which was Tuesday), I expressed some of my eagerness with friends and family. In general, coworkers and friends my age were eager to guess, while some of the more maternal people in my life whom I look up to were more eager to hear all was well. I felt a bit uncomfortable in my wondering, unable to pinpoint the origin of my yearning. I am a counselor! I can uncover anything! I reflected, I processed, and was still islanded from my answer. I knew my top priorities were healthy spine, healthy heart and other organs, good placental placement, 10 fingers, 10 toes... and if possible we'd love to know the gender. But why? 

We arrived at Maternal-Fetal Medicine 30 minutes prior to our appointment as the packet indicated. I wasn't sure why we had to arrive so early if all the paperwork was sent to us in advance, but I did not dare to question for fear that I'd be deemed late and rescheduled, you have the wand, you make the rules. When we walked in the door of MFM at 12:30pm for our 1pm appointment, it quickly became apparent why we had to arrive early- so we could keep the waiting room company during their lunch hour- more waiting! I waited 15 months to get pregnant and 18 weeks for this test! C'mon people! Heat a lean pocket and get on with it!

About 10 minutes into our ultrasound (which started 'promptly' at 1:15 for our 1pm appointment we arrived 30 minutes early for), the sonographer announced she was making the call "girl," IT'S A GIRL! John's smiling jaw dropped, I could feel his lightheadedness from two feet away, and I just took a deep breath- ok, I know. Why do I want to know?  It wasn't until a few minutes later that I realized why...

The sonographer proceeded to tell us, "his heart looks great!"  WAIT A MINUTE, LADY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING MY DAUGHTER'S HEART 'HIS'?!?! Pronouns. I've been praying for this baby for what feels like forever. When we got our positive test and then low progesterone results I prayed for this baby to be okay, I prayed I wouldn't lose this baby. As people asked if I was pregnant I lied through my teeth, afraid I would have to share bad news if I shared my good news too early. I prayed for baby to forgive me for fibbing about his/her existence. As my very sick first trimester dragged on for what felt like a queasy eternity I prayed baby would be healthy. In the few weeks before my my ultrasound I felt faint kicks and quickly began using "his/her" for every pronoun, it felt less impersonal than "baby." I waited all this time and this lady mistakenly calls my she a he?! Obviously I corrected her, "I am so happy her heart looks good!"  

SHE has pronouns. Our baby girl is healthy! She is growing well! She is 11 ounces! She's a she! I didn't want to know so I could buy 1,000 pink or blue shirts and pants, or stereotypically girly paint or boyish paint, I just wanted some pronouns. She is wonderful, and she is ours. <3

Boy or Girl? and does it matter?

This afternoon we have our long awaited 18-week anatomy scan/ultrasound... also known as the "gender ultrasound" to those who are sociologically curious. At first I didn't want to know, I like the idea of meeting the baby and finding out then. At Towson I took a Gender Psychology class and the professor spent an entire lecture about the gender stereotypes assigned to children from before birth... kinda makes sense. I'm kinda crunchy, I get it. HOWEVER, while I do not expect gifts from anyone, my friends' experiences have suggested someone may buy us baby outfit(s), stuffed animal(s), or other baby gifts... and here's the problem- I dislike frogs. Frogs and ducks are the default if a couple does not know the gender of their child. I think back to this gender class and how people eagerly assigned pink or blue to a newborn or even a fetus as soon as the gender is known. I don't want that either- but I don't get a say for this baby I'm growing, I can ask people to get tan and khaki all I want but my guess is they'll all gravitate toward the "princess" or "sports" attire/toys/decor. When I buy a baby gift I try to vary it a bit, something neutral, but I am usually the minority among the gift givers... if everyone only gave tan or white baby outfits, would I mind if someone mistook a G for a B or vice versa? Me? Probably not, the baby will likely have small amounts of hair and be rather non-descript for the first few months of life... as it should be! What do you need to do with regard to subscribing to gender norms while diapers and breastmilk are your primary concerns? Not too much. This opinion is likely influencing my strong desire for a grey carseat, a nature-themed neutral nursery, and baby carriers that match my wardrobe not his/hers.

As our first trimester progressed, John went from undecided to confident he wants to know the gender. This process has definitely been a team effort, so I agreed without contest. As we scheduled this ultrasound my desire to "know' has grown stronger, now that I feel the baby I wonder constantly about"who" is in there. I feel conflicted because I don't want to assign it characteristics or create assumptions related to baby's gender, but as my vision of baby becomes less abstract, I find myself wondering. There are a few things I know...
If it's a girl, she'll be fiesty like me. If it's a boy, he'll be fiesty like John.
If it's a girl, she'll be an overachiever like me.  If it's a boy, he'll be an overachiever like John.
If it's a girl, she'll be energetic  like me. If it's a boy, he'll be full of energy like John.

... you get the point. :-)

When new babies are seen for family and friends for the first time, they're often described in gender-specific terms. She's beautiful, he's so handsome.  She's so sweet (really? she's just cried and been swaddled.), 8 pounds! He's going to be so big (really? I think the 7lb girl next to him in the nursery will get bigger, too).  She's so peaceful, he's so alert. We assign these characteristics to babies without regard to the way they were delivered, the personalities of their parents, or assuming that they have their own little personalities that have already begun long before the world of gender socialization could touch them.

That being said... just for fun, I took a gender predictor quiz, let's see who wins...

Chinese Gender Calendar... BOY

Blemishes or no blemishes... GIRL (girls take the mom's beauty)

Sum of my age and the month of conception is even = boy... 37 = GIRL

Sum of my age and the YEAR of  conception is even = boy... 36 = BOY

Craving protein ... BOY

Baby's heart rate is more than 140BPM .... GIRL

Morning sickness... GIRL

Craving sweets ... GIRL

All the weight in front ... BOY


So this leaves us... wondering :-) Here's what I'm praying for today: 10 fingers, 10 toes, healthy anatomy and growth.



For pregnant mama's, one of the gender predictors I used was this one:
http://www.parenting.com/fun-ways-to-predict-babys-gender?pnid=59994

No Kidding! : Great things I've learned about pregnancy and parenting

While I have heard some very ignorant things the past few months, I have also learned a great deal about pregnancy, baby growing, and childbirth... here are some of my favorite facts I've learned so far...

Pregnancy

• Babies exposed to broccoli, cabbage, and brussels sprouts during pregnancy were much less likely to get cancer, even when exposed to known carcinogens (Origins by Annie Murphy Paul)
• A 2008 Yale study showed that women who ate 5 or more servings of chocolate per week during the 3rd trimester had a 40% lower risk of pre-eclampsia 
• 6 billion pounds of BPA are produced each year for use in plastic... as a synthetic estrogen, the low doses we are exposed to daily slip past the placenta and get passed along to the fetus, exposing it to synthetic estrogen before birth.
• A good way to avoid BPA is to remember this rhyme " Four, five, one, two... all the rest are bad for you" (in reference to the recycling number that identifies plastics)
• Women who consume the most amount of Vitamin D in pregnancy have children with the lowest risk of asthma
• Women who ate more than 2 servings of fish per week during pregnancy have infants with better cognition and children with better visual memory test scores
• Drinking plenty of liquids before an ultrasound affects the measurements of amniotic fluid, mild dehydration could give the appearance of "low amniotic fluid"

Midwives and Birth

• 87% of women receive pain medication of some sort during birth
• Doctors often raise a panic about a cord being wrapped around the neck, my midwife chuckled at this because people often ask "what if the cord is around the neck?! what will the birth center do?!"-- she informed me that it's OFTEN around the neck and just like a dog's collar, if you can stick your fingers between that and the neck, it's fine :-) 
• The US ranks 39th in terms of maternal mortality, lower than Western Europe, Croatia, Qatar, Taiwan, Singapore, and Bosnia to name a few. In case you were wondering... midwives dominate care in the countries ranking above us.
• Hospitals in America have at 34% c-section rate on average, some states are much higher. The World Health Organization states that no provider should have a rate of more than 10-15%. 
• Each time a woman has a c-section, subsequent fertility, pregnancies, and deliveries can become more complicated due to scar tissue, weakening of the uterine muscles, and trauma to the surrounding area
• Prolonged breath-holding decreases the baby's oxygenation--doctors know this and still instruct women to hold their breath for 10 seconds and bear down when being coached to push.
• Epidurals can cause profound, prolonged drops in baby's heartrate
• To profit from an anesthesiologist on-call 24/7, a hospital needs an 80% epidural rate (all hospitals must have one so they can do an emergency c-section at any time)
• Studies have shown that the presence of an experienced doula results in- shorter labors, less painful labors, lower c-section rates, less incidence of forcep or vacuum-assisted delivery, lower epidural rates

More fun to come, email me if you'd like citations for any of the stats :-)