Definitely feeling pregnant

Today I felt as though my torso itself weighed a solid 200lbs, I'm not sure how I'll stand upright once my milk comes in because my boobs already weigh a good 6lbs each... where the heck will I put them!? I'm also fostering multiple belly personalities, yesterday I felt like my insides were falling out if I didn't lay on a pillow, my wonderful husband offered to go out and get me a maternity support band today- love him. Today, I counted down until I could get home into pajamas because I couldn't stand feeling restricted by something around my belly. So now I have a brand new belly support band and want nothing anywhere around my torso- awesome.

I will spare you the joys of my 25-minute interval trips to the restroom, but I fear my plumbing will never be the same. I am already waddling a bit and walking slower and not sure how I'll get any work done in the latter months of this pregnancy- next week I move cubicles and will be across the building from the ladies room. My summer days will be spent commuting back and forth between the restroom and my cubicle, with very little potential for work in between. Really, life would be better if I could just not-work and go waddle over to the treadmill at the gym to waddle in place daily...

I've been feeling baby kick a few times a day for a little over a week now. I have drawn some conclusions from my observations:
1. Baby McDonald LOVES ice cream, red meat, cheesecake, and Jack Johnson
2. Baby McDonald has great taste in food AND music.
3. Baby McDonald agrees with me that John should not spread out on the bed like He-Man flexing in his sleep, we need room.
4. The mommy boppy was the best thing ever, I'm not sure which of us enjoys the pregnancy pillow more.
5. It is no coincidence that Wheel of Fortune is baby's most active TV time slot- not only can my baby identify R, S, T, L, N & E, but it will also be a great word-puzzle solver.

On a more crunchy note, I started reading another book about birth (shocking), about water birth. The first few chapters discuss the harshness of a hospital birth in ways I hadn't thought in-depth about. It mentioned the  contrast of bright hospital lighting to the darkness of the womb, the drastic temperature change from inside mother to 65-68*F hospital rooms, or even colder if it's an operating room. I've heard of Leboyer and the birth without violence bit, but hadn't thought as much as I probably should, looks like I've found my next library book! I look forward to reading the rest of the waterbirthing book. Today I was pondering how waterbirth and hypnobirth will be in unison (I've heard they're quite complementary) and ironically recieved an email from the woman who will be our hypnobirth instructor, it's almost time to schedule our April hypnobirth classes! Time really is flying by! I'm a planner and am hesitant about writing a birth plan because once I start I fear I'll get too committed to an ideal or a rigid plan. I'd like to think I'll labor in water, will I deliver there? Who knows :-)

Reflections... and rants

I am 17 weeks pregnant. I've been contemplating starting a blog for a while now, about as much as I've contemplated diligently completing the baby journal I eagerly purchased at 6 weeks pregnant!  I've kept some strong opinions to myself on this journey thus far and I have shared some to others, but I want to record it all, so here we are!

Our journey TO pregnancy was 15 months of anxiety, waiting, frustration, and disappointment (in the little pink lines, not each other!). I had an interest in natural birth long before it became relevant and the year and few months we were trying I learned more and more about the world of modern maternity care in America, what women were allowing to happen without question, and the consequences of this herd mentality. There is no shortage of internet resources about women who felt traumatized by their birth experiences, some of whom likened their birth to medicalized rape, just awful pain they live with long after their body has healed-- I don't want any part of that! --During one my unpleasantly regular visits to the OB/GYN's office I ran into my OB, whom I've been seeing since I left my pediatrician (it's been a while!). When I went to college I scheduled my annual exam around breaks so I could keep this doctor, I had never questioned that she would be the person to "deliver my child," (it never occurred to me that I am a WOMAN, I was MADE to make babies) so thinking of these horror stories women had, I started feeling out my doctor for her thoughts- by this point I had researched hospitals in the area and the hospital where she delivers is known as one of the most restrictive hospitals in the state- their idea of a "family birth place" is letting you bring in a photograph, gee thanks- what did you let Kodak sponsor the purchase of your EFM's??? Let me get this straight, you get strapped to a bed as soon as you get in, have a high episiotomy rate and a ridiculous c-section rate, but good thing I have my photograph to focus on...it'll all work out, right? Hmmm. So all the terrible reflections of births gone bad started with a doctor giving vague or evasive answers about hospital policies, their general practices, and wouldn't give the women direct answers about when they c-section and when they don't. Surely my OB wouldn't be like this! She'd have great, concrete answers! Right? 

Wrong. She couldn't give me a single answer about the benefit of these hospital policies that directly conflict with the World Health Organization's recommendations for optimal maternal and fetal outcomes. When I inquired about the c-section rate at this hospital she assured me that she is "more patient than some other doctors," but couldn't explain the near 40% statistics at this hospital-- So 4 in 10 women cannot birth their children without surgery? If that was the truth, would our society have made it this far? Again- she had no answer. I want to walk and move during labor- doc just looks down and away- Red flags, anyone? I politely ended our conversation, took my records for the fertility clinic, and never went back.

Fast forward to November, we're 5 weeks pregnant and need a new caregiver. If I want to be honest I am feeling a little anti-obstetrician at this point, and I know I want a midwife. Our options in our state are slim, we can see a midwife in an OB practice and hope we get her when we're in labor (still in a hospital), there's a birth center an hour away, and there is ONE home birth midwifery practice in the state. The home birth midwives didn't call us back and the birth center could see us for a tour right away, so off we went. 

We immediately fell in love with the birth center and the midwife we met with, so we scheduled our first visit. The birth center (BC) is everything we could want, it looks like a bed and breakfast, each birth room has a 2-person shower and jacuzzi, a queen size bed, a birthing rocker, and a birthing ball. Bring on the natural birth!!! 

The next week we had a great first ultrasound at the fertility center and were ready to grow a baby to birth naturally! Awesome! We did our homework, I know just about every statistic related to every birth intervention and relaxation technique, I'm ready to give birth! Now off to get some organic produce to grow my organic baby.

I had this silly misconception that if people asked about our birth plans, they'd find it cool that we were going to do this the way nature intended (hence the natur-al). WRONG again! So here's my rant-here are the things I've heard and why I have beef with them:

*Judgement*It's dangerous to have a baby out of a hospital.

     *FACT* In a healthy pregnancy, there are less interventions and risks OUT of a hospital

*Judgement* You need a doctor.

     *FACT* Midwives have better outcomes internationally than OB/GYN's, the first OB's were trained BY midwives, but their outcomes have never been as good as midwives.

*Judgement* If the baby has the cord wrapped around it's neck it could die.

     *FACT* Tons of babies have cords around their neck, it's rarely dangerous and if it is, it can be cut really quickly. In actuality, when doctors break a woman's water, it's more likely to coil the cord because a flushing effect (think of a toilet) occurs and the amniotic fluid swirls out quickly... doctors can CREATE the "dangerous" situation that they "rescue" babies from. 

*Judgement* You'll want an epidural.

     *FACT* I fear an epidural and possible subsequent interventions more than I fear any pain that labor could give me. I know what it entails, I know what risks it comes with, I don't want anything to do with it.

*Judgement* There could be an emergency

   *FACT* Good thing I have great midwives... they'll watch me in person rather than interpreting a monitor down the hall so they'll know if something is becoming less than ideal long before it's urgent... if anything is urgent, there's a hospital across the street. 

*Favorite Judgement* Why would you go through labor when you don't have to? If you have a c-section you don't have to go through that!

 *FACTS* Labor will probably hurt, but as Ina May likes to say, it's "honest pain," once the baby arrives, it's done... why opt to unnecessarily cut through layers of skin, muscle, and organs to be in pain for weeks after?!

Here's a judgment of my own- women who eagerly sign up for multiple c-sections probably haven't educated themselves about the serious risks each subsequent cesearan poses. They probably aren't aware that a placenta doesn't want to attach to scar tissue, each time there is a cesarean, there is more scar tissue, making the next pregnancy more risky. C-sections are major surgery, they have a 3x higher risk of death than vaginal delivery. I get it, c-sections can save lives, when done properly in the right situation to avoid death or injury- but when they're done electively, they CAUSE injury. They can complicate future pregnancies and births... I feel like it's so American to be so self-absorbed that people are blissfully unaware that in the rest of the world,  c-sections aren't treated this way and these countries operate less often and lose less mothers and babies. Ignorant America ! Ugh!

That's enough of an intro I suppose... next blog maybe I'll reflect on this thing called pregnancy!